Friday, May 27, 2011

Ten Red Flags Women Should Recognize When Dating Men

1. He has addictions. These addictions can be some of the following: alcohol, medical drugs, recreational drugs, sex, gambling and many other habits that lead to self destruction. If he's been to rehab and he still flirts around with his vices, it is time to consider an exit strategy for the relationship to end. Usually women become too involved with a man to learn later in time that he has a strong addiction that tends to dominate their relationship. Soon these woman start fighting the consequences of their partner's addictions themselves.

In essence, the woman becomes an addict like her partner while fighting his battle which makes it harder for her to break free from this toxic relationship and environment. Partners that act as bystanders in these relationships require more help in theory than their struggling partner. It is a cyclical relationship with invisible chains that bind this couple together and soon both of their lives spiral downwards before resulting in a tragedy.

2. He lives with regrets. A man that usually speaks more about the past than the present is definitely a person who is not living in the NOW. He "could have, should have" but "didn't" act upon his life goals, is now basing his life circumstances by replaying his past than actually making changes to his present condition. If this behavior persists for too long, he indirectly is letting the woman know that he may unintentionally start forming regrets in the relationships too. Those who form regrets either do not invest 100% of their time and energy to achieve their goals, knowingly pass up rare life opportunities, are afraid to take risks, and foremost are afraid of failure.

3. He acknowledges that he hasn't lived up to his potential. This variable is a bit different than #2 because a person can live without regrets yet still not fulfill their life potential. Here the man chooses to engage in certain endeavors, only he knows when he's not performing at his potential and he is OK with it. He may accept dating a specific woman as a privilege though he still doesn't live up to his best characteristics of being a caring partner.

4. He has resigned his life decisions to his mother's judgment. Boys turn to their mothers for guidance, MEN should reflect within themselves for guidance before seeking it from his confidantes. Regardless of race, culture or religion, it is inevitable to come across men who lack the brain power to take responsibility for their lives. If the men are too passive, their mothers will make a cameo appearance and invite themselves to stay as long as they like. I assure you if women do not address such matters before seriously committing to such a guy, "Mama" will be hovering around every aspect of your relationship. A full grown mature man should appreciate his Mama's presence although he should not let her run the show. Women have zero tolerance for such mamas who dominate their personal relationships by emotionally manipulating the man's character to the point where the man starts pulling away from the woman. If Mama's calling the shots now, no matter how great the guy is, I would recommend leaving this suffocating relationship if no party addresses this conflict.

5. He speaks ill of women that have dated and lived a conjugal lifestyle with him. This goes from disclosing these women's personal histories, sexual preferences and their human faults. Gossiping represents bad manners but more so HIS gossiping is detrimental to these ladies and an insight that he'll be bashing you to his friends only in a matter of time. If he doesn't know you well and starts harping about other women in bed, you're another statistic in HIS book. Any man that kisses and tells is a man NOT to be taken seriously. This type of man should be discarded immediately because he'll only contribute to your life as toxic waste. He's not the type to build a future with nor is he the type to even keep around as a past time. A woman of self respect will flush him away the moment his lack of manners become apparent when dating him.

6. Leopards don't change their spots. Stop volunteering for fixing people's characters and their problems. People can only change themselves. People choose to be happy, prosperous and committed in life. If they choose to be unhappy, it is their responsibility to change their condition or else to continue facing a life filled of poor judgments.

7. He's Okay Being Treated Like a Door Mat. If his family, friends and strangers treat him less than acceptable and he continues engaging in these relationships, he may have a history of mental and emotional abuse. Such abuse makes an individual think they are not worthy of respect thus affecting their own self-respect and self-esteem. If he doesn't find anything wrong with such treatment, it is possible he may think 'going with the flow' will mitigate these unfavorable circumstances. Such scenarios of abusive relationships only enhance problems within one's mental, emotional and physical health. He may not project such inferiority complexes towards you or voice them, yet these elements do contribute to sabotaging a new relationship.

8. He has a history of dating cheaters and he is OK with it. All REAL men that I know would not stand for a cheater regardless of whether they were a victim or a bystander watching a loved one suffer from such behavior. A man that dates exclusively (even if it's for fun and there is no marriage waiting at the end) would not stand for this type of behavior. Men who usually accept a cheating partner are either cheating themselves, have no self-esteem, justify their partner's cheating as their fault (complete nonsense!), or live with the fear they will not find a better partner again. Yes, it's true and impossible for some to believe that people may stick around a cheating partner because someone better may not come along or for the fear of being alone.

9. He's too susceptible to his family and friend's guidance. It's one thing to seek guidance and actually heed it. If he doesn't apply his own judgment when making life decisions, you're basically dating an indecisive man. If he's seeking everyone's' validation around him for making life decisions, the last thing a woman wants is third parties intruding in her personal relationship. A man should be a gentleman, not 'act' like a gentleman. He should apply discretion when needed; as well he shouldn't blindly follow advice from people who lack credibility.

10. He displays inconsistency in contact, speech and actions. If he doesn't keep his word for the small things, do not expect him to perform miracles while dating him or being in an exclusive relationship with him. Remember what you see now is what you will also get later.

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