Prenuptial Agreements: Hot or Not?

Relationships today present more opportunities as more women are taking advantage of resources that enable them to engage more competently with their male counterparts. As the dynamics of family life have morphed within the past three decades, it is clearly apparent that women are also breadwinners in their families’ as well strong contributors to their relationships.    It is common yet not unheard of that couples that are intending to get married will entertain a prenuptial agreement.  A prenuptial agreement is a legal document that protects the assets & rights of the initiating party, or both parties, in case the couple chooses to divorce later in time.    Traditionalists view prenuptial agreements as a blasphemous benefit that is already preparing the couple in question to split up hence making it appear that it's not a matter of if they will split up, where as it's a matter of when they split up.   
Proponents of this agreement feel it is an amicable option for both individuals to consider before getting married for one never knows what the future holds. If there is a disparity of income among couples, if one individual owns more valuable assets or even if one wants their marital rights stated in writing, it is not a bad idea to entertain a prenuptial agreement.  Whether one feels such agreements are romantic or not, both individuals will have to address these practical matters sooner or later. Some may get offended and feel their devotion to their partner is being questioned, only considering a prenuptial agreement should not be taken personally, it should be addressed similarly to everyday business.   The intent of sharing the following example is not to equate people and their emotions to being treated like objects though there is a similar notion of one protecting themselves. If an individual purchases a new car along with car insurance, the intent there is to protect the car if something happens to it. Like wise, people who choose to purchase health insurance do so in order to protect themselves if an emergency takes place.  Similarly, a prenuptial agreement exists to protect individuals in a marriage. It is an optional item to consider when making preparations for one's marriage.  Having one doesn't guarantee that the marriage will be more successful than going without it, though it does offer a peace of mind among the couple where there are less worries over protecting assets thus freeing their energy to be invested in enriching their relationship.

Taste My Cupcakes

Has the Season of Love Come & Gone?

As summer is officially coming to an end within a week, most of the summer romances and flings will also transition into a new chapter where lovers will become more engrossed in their work along with lovers who will return to their academic and personal commitments.  Realistically half of these couples will also move on to new partners. Yes, I said it--summer is over as fall strolls in quietly bringing new experiences our way.  This is not a time to fear or be anxious, it is a time to celebrate the moment as everything around us, nature and ourselves, undergo a period of rejuvenation before winter sets in putting some of our love lives in hibernation mode.   Cherish your summer memories with you as more memories will pile up before the end of the year.   For some it may have been easier seeking dates and exploring the unknown possibilities during the summer because people tend to enjoy the outdoors by attending outdoor events, cruising the beach and more.  Do not fret--there are still creative ways of meeting people so don't forget to make the most of your social invites in the fall too.

Here are some activities one may want to consider because love exists everyday, some seasons are easier to find it than others.

• Online dating websites, i.e. Match.com, Pre-Dating.com
• Speed Dating, i.e. Professionals in the City,
• Joining Social Interests Groups, i.e.  Book clubs, Meetup.com
• Traveling in groups, i.e. Planned cruises, get-aways
• Attending Lounges
• Just go out and about! Sometimes living the moment welcomes good surprises!

Prisoner's Dilemma in Relationships

Among all relationships, there comes a time when two people come to a standstill because there are stuck in a 'prisoner's dilemma'. The prisoner's dilemma in love is depicted in a scenario where it's best for both partners to agree in order to avoid confrontation that leads to further discord in the relationship. If one partner is open to negotiating and disclosing their confession (reservations one may have in the relationship), this brave partner has better chances of avoiding future relationship conflict without feeling imprisoned to tolerate their partner's behavior. Likewise, the other partner in the relationship has a similar option to confess thus alleviating the tension within the relationship.
So why is it that neither partner will come clean with one another regarding the state of their relationship? If the lady is intending to confess but she chooses not to, this is because she isn't sure that the man will follow her lead to confess too.

Courtesy of Paul GoodChild, Life in Balance

The lovers may reason that they should not confess because if they do--their partner will not confess if granted a second opportunity. This reasoning isn't quite logical because for every opportunity that is presented to each partner to confess, the stakes are higher as the benefits of confessing increase yet so does the punishment that will keep continue undermining the harmonious state of their relationship. Overall these lovers will either engage in cooperative or non cooperative bargaining. If they engage in cooperation, at least one of them believes in the betterment for all by cutting their losses short and moving on. It is possible that one may engage in noncooperation, where this lover is bidding their time by acting selfish in the relationship to serve their own interests. It cannot be generalized that women are more prone to cooperating in dating and relationship conflict versus their counterparts who are possibly holding back in order to win such "power wars". In such non cooperative instances, one acknowledges how intelligent these lovers are while learning how far they will go to achieve their own goals.
Prisoner's dilemma has been around for decades where peoples' intent and motives are tested to address societal norms from a local and global perspective. If one is faced with similar dilemmas in greater frequencies, it is possible that over time both partners will cooperate for the right reason. This theory also analyzes the disparity that addresses why one may 'intend' to do one thing yet result participating in another act. Please note the term 'confessions' in this message is applied to address reservations that surface within romantic relationships, it is not relayed in the form of a negative connotation. Ms. Wake Up is not encouraging her audience to play games in their love lives; instead she wants her audience to realize that sooner or later in all relationships---communication--is a must. In relationships both partners must acknowledge telepathy is not valid, one must voice their needs and concerns in order to move past them. Now if one partner is guarded to acknowledge his or her reality, perhaps it is time to move on.  Ms. Wake Up knows there are some lovers who will only engage in non cooperative bargaining, apparently that has lead those lovers to the destination of n-o-w-h-e-r-e.


If one is not up for playing rounds of prisoner's dilemma, it is better to either come clean or just move on in love. If the mutual respect is not there, what makes one think that waiting a bit longer will change that? First impressions are the last impression in love. What you see is what you get. If a man or woman tells you upfront what they are seeking with you but refuse to invest their efforts, let them go--a relationship that starts with a lie always ends with the truth.
Avoiding reality and a modest dialogue with a partner itself is an act relaying "I don't want anything to do with you."
Now, are YOU ready to confess?

The Power of No

A loveless marriage? I think not. ;)

Ten Signs He Will Not Marry You

1.   You're enjoyed the presence of one another while dating and as many months pass you are yet to meet his friends and family. Having kept you as a secret in today's age of romance doesn't equate more than disrespect to you as a woman and a person.   It is also a sign he is unsure how you play a role into his life. Stop the waiting game and move on if this view doesn't change--fast.  Waiting is exactly like worrying, it doesn't alleviate the problem it just keeps delaying the outcome from appearing in the present.  Time is too precious to waste, save your loving energy for someone that respects you at all levels.


2.   Making plans to spend time together is exciting yet not so glamorous when he regularly utters the words "when we get a chance," "I'm busy," "perhaps another time," while the list of excuses just pile up with no definitive sign that he chooses to invest his resources in you.  Stalling tactics are very common among men (and women do it too, it's a two-way street) BUT if his actions do not provide a positive forecast in this relationship, it's better to cut your chances short and move on. When a man wants to be with a woman, he will rearrange his daily routine to even get a glimpse of her in person or hear her voice over the phone.   Ms. Wake Up's Dating Encyclopedia includes stories ranging from good men to silly boys she has encountered.  You need a man not a male or a boy.   You are his equal, not his mother or his babysitter. 


3.  "I'm busy with work."  Expanding upon this stalling tactic, let's be real--we women use that excuse too when we are unsure if we want a particular man around us.   There are men who are focused on their careers so they can live a comfortable life while becoming better providers for their partner later in life.     When a man is waiting to hit a certain 'financial range' in his career, meanwhile he delays getting into a relationship or even considers getting married, he is letting his excuse sabotage his well being like a double-edged sword.  Money does make the world go round as it is a critical component in making relationships work because when there is a limited supply of money, couples start arguing over it. To avoid such hiccups in relationships, people do tend to keep themselves from getting too serious when it comes to matters of the heart.  Ultimately the man should realize that money comes and go while there is no guarantee that lady luck will wait long enough for him. One doesn't need to be a millionaire in order to marry, the focus is more on living a comfortable lifestyle not hitting bulls-eye with a particular finance target.


4.   If your partner reacts passively to your life goals and doesn't make an effort to learn more about who you are, chances are either he already has an exit strategy in place or he's bidding time before you two run out of fuel to move forward from this relationship.     Some men are emotionally passive so this doesn't hold true for all cases though this uneven distribution of attention will cause resentment from the woman's end if she is the more supportive partner in the relationship.   He can't act like Switzerland for too long in a relationship because it is a bad sign if he isn't sharing any interest or opinion regarding your lifestyle.  There is a difference between being respectful of a partner's choices and not caring an inkling about a loved one.   


5.   Cheap men. Enough said. Ms. Wake Up's pet peeve of all time is cheapness in people. If one has the resources and they still choose to skimp out on enjoying life, do us all a favor and sit this one out.  Not all women and men date one another with the intent of seeking financial security.   Cheapness is referred here in the context of going out on simple dates as the woman is left to either pay for herself, or the guy doesn't extend the effort to treat this worthwhile lady.   This is more so applicable when a couple starts dating and it is with time they find a steady groove of knowing how to handle these situations.   There is no free lunch in the business world; likewise, there is no free lunch in the dating world. If she didn't pay for it, we're pretty sure she earned it by investing her time and energy with this guy.  


6.  Everything has become a power struggle.  If he needs constant validation and assurance that you two are doing well together, feel free to stick another red flag in the ground "if and when" you reach a relationship milestone.  An insecure man will keep his partner off balance so he doesn't have to face his own fears and insecurities in a relationship. To him it's all about having the last word (even when he knows he is wrong but thinks he is right).  It's not the woman's job to fight for her relationship all the time when in fact she is not aggravating the relationship concerns.  While he is watching you fight for a relationship that is not meant to be, check out now before it's too late.    He can be granted time to address these issues on a personal level yet it was not the woman who brought these insecurities out of him. These fears were always residing in him as they are still unaddressed to this day.  His behavioral patterns will keep resurfacing until he chooses to change his ways.


7.  There is no sense of urgency.   Is he too laid back and over confident in knowing that you are going no where?   Well, shame on him.    He has already started taking you for granted so now he feels immune from working hard to keep this relationship progressing forward. ALL relationships take a lot of work, therefore one should not treat any relationship to be on cruise control. Such feelings only get worse with time because he may be thinking that you already understand his 'unspoken thoughts' for how this relationship will manifest.  The things that ultimately contibute to a successful relationship are mutual respect, trust and SPOKEN thoughts.



8. If your man had or has a history of any form of addiction, there are chances he will not be skipping down the altar anytime soon.   There are many recovered addicts that do marry and live fulfilling lives following their past experiences.   To the contrary, there are addicts and substance abusers who claim to be clean but still they are using in secrecy.   A smart person knows that nothing remains secret for too long, so if he utters out of self confidence that everything is under self-control, it means "It is not!!!!".    Many people have their reputations to protect while there are many material resources that can be sacrificed over night, although it doesn't mean those same individuals do not enjoy living life on the edge.   If he (acknowledging that he was a substance abuser) is very protective of disclosing his phone contacts, his past associations and more, chances are his past is not out of his system.  Ladies, just because you don't see him engage in these activities in front of you doesn't mean that he is clean.  This blurb isn't to encourage distrust in relationships but it is to relay the reality that old habits die hard while there is no overnight cure.   Second chances are for people who EARN them.  This matter is reserved to be addressed by a qualified professional.  


9.  Liar-liar, pants on fire?   If you feel more like a detective than his girlfriend, then perhaps you need to start considering new careers.   Insecurity and jealousy brings out the worst in both partners in a relationship so if there is no desire to "talk about it" then start preparing a life without this man.  Just because he may show signs that something is up doesn't always mean where there is smoke, there is fire.  There doesn't have to be trouble lurking to prompt lying over small and big things.  


10.  If your gut is telling you something is not right, it probably is not.    Remember if it's the right man, there will be no feeling of tugging in your gut. Love is abundant and love knows no boundaries.   Going against a gut feeling just means the truth will surface with time. When a man or woman says "there's nothing," there is always something!