Granting a Fair Chance in Dating

What is it with women judging men off the bat?   Give the man a chance, a fair chance. By observing the dating circles, it is apparent that some women are too uptight to enjoy and have a good time as the man takes a chance to be enchanted by her company. Such women walk into their dates with an attitude to deliver a laundry list for what they want in a man yet they are not ready to make themselves available for the man.   It is okay to know what she wants in a man but first impressions go a long way so this isn't exactly the right way of seeking a man--anywhere, anytime, anyhow.   It's good to know she practices self-respect while exuding self esteem though do not overwhelm a man, who's still considered a stranger, on a first date by intimidating him with all these expectations. He made a choice to show up after inviting her (not all dates come to fruition just because a meeting is agreed upon) so why not give him a fair chance? A fair chance means allowing oneself to have a good time while learning about him during the date and perhaps some more.    Don't read into his every word, just enjoy the moment.  Assess a man based off his actions not words for men who are anxious & confused may say what they feel one may 'want' to hear than 'need' to hear.  Honesty at times may contain a bare bones message yet people don't appreciate it until later in time. Be honest with thyself and respect the date for it can only set off good karma into the universe. A date that already has preset conditions is starting off on a shaky note because some things that begin awkwardly can turn out better; likewise there are meetings that turn out great but the passion dies out by the second or third date.  It is 'ok'. Breathe, relax and have fun in the process. Not every date is a passage to a long-term relationship or marriage. If one can't enjoy the present, they will not be content a week from now or perhaps a year from now. What you see is what you get. Are you putting your best foot forward when you are out meeting people?  Dating doesn't come easily to a lot of people therefore keep some courtesy in mind.
  
Granting a date a fair chance doesn't mean to keep a partner around for weeks dragging or for months if one already knows that is not the partner for them.  The point of dating is to have a good time while seeking the right partner for oneself. There are plenty of fish in the ocean, some are hiding within the deep blue waters where more patience & a stronger bait is needed. Only the strong survive. Good luck!

Prisoner's Dilemma in Relationships

Among all relationships, there comes a time when two people come to a standstill because there are stuck in a 'prisoner's dilemma'. The prisoner's dilemma in love is depicted in a scenario where it's best for both partners to agree in order to avoid confrontation that leads to further discord in the relationship. If one partner is open to negotiating and disclosing their confession (reservations one may have in the relationship), this brave partner has better chances of avoiding future relationship conflict without feeling imprisoned to tolerate their partner's behavior. Likewise, the other partner in the relationship has a similar option to confess thus alleviating the tension within the relationship.
So why is it that neither partner will come clean with one another regarding the state of their relationship? If the lady is intending to confess but she chooses not to, this is because she isn't sure that the man will follow her lead to confess too.

Courtesy of Paul GoodChild, Life in Balance

The lovers may reason that they should not confess because if they do--their partner will not confess if granted a second opportunity. This reasoning isn't quite logical because for every opportunity that is presented to each partner to confess, the stakes are higher as the benefits of confessing increase yet so does the punishment that will keep continue undermining the harmonious state of their relationship. Overall these lovers will either engage in cooperative or non cooperative bargaining. If they engage in cooperation, at least one of them believes in the betterment for all by cutting their losses short and moving on. It is possible that one may engage in noncooperation, where this lover is bidding their time by acting selfish in the relationship to serve their own interests. It cannot be generalized that women are more prone to cooperating in dating and relationship conflict versus their counterparts who are possibly holding back in order to win such "power wars". In such non cooperative instances, one acknowledges how intelligent these lovers are while learning how far they will go to achieve their own goals.
Prisoner's dilemma has been around for decades where peoples' intent and motives are tested to address societal norms from a local and global perspective. If one is faced with similar dilemmas in greater frequencies, it is possible that over time both partners will cooperate for the right reason. This theory also analyzes the disparity that addresses why one may 'intend' to do one thing yet result participating in another act. Please note the term 'confessions' in this message is applied to address reservations that surface within romantic relationships, it is not relayed in the form of a negative connotation. Ms. Wake Up is not encouraging her audience to play games in their love lives; instead she wants her audience to realize that sooner or later in all relationships---communication--is a must. In relationships both partners must acknowledge telepathy is not valid, one must voice their needs and concerns in order to move past them. Now if one partner is guarded to acknowledge his or her reality, perhaps it is time to move on.  Ms. Wake Up knows there are some lovers who will only engage in non cooperative bargaining, apparently that has lead those lovers to the destination of n-o-w-h-e-r-e.


If one is not up for playing rounds of prisoner's dilemma, it is better to either come clean or just move on in love. If the mutual respect is not there, what makes one think that waiting a bit longer will change that? First impressions are the last impression in love. What you see is what you get. If a man or woman tells you upfront what they are seeking with you but refuse to invest their efforts, let them go--a relationship that starts with a lie always ends with the truth.
Avoiding reality and a modest dialogue with a partner itself is an act relaying "I don't want anything to do with you."
Now, are YOU ready to confess?

Dating with a Purpose

In a world where men and women struggle to make time their ally than their enemy, individuals today have become more selective of choosing their partners in dating.  After all busy people choose carefully how they spend their leisure time because every moment counts where one is making progress or standing still.   In this case, both genders are known to be 'dating with a purpose'.  This means men and women have an objective in mind and intend to fulfill it by filtering their dating potentials before deciding whether they are worthy of a date or not.   Some individuals may choose to date for fun while seeking a casual relationship while some may prefer to screen partners in hopes of finding a long term partner, or a marriage potential.    The days of 'old romance' are gone where men and women would court one another without knowing what is to come next.   In today's age majority of people want to take control of their love lives by engaging in person and online dating for finding suitable partners in a reasonable amount of time.   Although we can control our actions and efforts, it is not always easy to cooperate with the universe when it comes to divine timing.  Any situation that involves more than one person to attain progress (such as dating), one cannot control when their partner will walk into their life or the context of their meeting.  Dating extracts many emotions from people since it is an exciting activity which at the same time can leave one a bit frustrated and skeptical if the right partner for them doesn't appear soon enough to their liking.  For some dating with a purpose may appear a bit harsh because some folks may not have a fair chance at dating if they are quickly overlooked for more viable partners; to the contrary the seeker is saving time and energy in their already hectic lifestyle.   These dating warriors are respectable yet direct in letting people know what & whom they are seeking and why.  If two individuals meet and their intents are different, chances are high this couple will not make it past their second date.    Whether you are seeking short or long term companionship, keep your search honest, simple and fun.  When one stops having fun in their live experiences, the outcome doesn't hold much value because someone forgets to enjoy the journey!

Silent Treatment in Dating

Silent treatment is when one individual actively ignores another person knowing that the recipient of such treatment will be bothered by it. The person may be so offended by it that they may become aggressive in seeking attention or any sort of reaction from the person who is self aware while playing mind games with the subject.

Regardless of context, silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. 

Whether this is occurring in a friendship, a professional setting or a personal relationship, such treatment is considered abuse since in essence silence is being used to acquire control of a situation. Silent treatment triggers mental and emotional conflicts that go unresolved with time because most of the time the behavior cannot be justified other than the abuser 'trying to teach another person a lesson' or overcoming a power struggle. Some forms of silent treatment are the following: ignoring a person's phone calls "knowing" that the lack of response will irritate the caller, ignoring a person's presence "knowing" the one ignored will take notice, sharing common space with an individual and avoiding conversation or interaction at all cost, performing actions in front of an individual "knowing" that it will emotionally make them vulnerable and etc. Short and long term effects of silent treatment abuse can maim one's self esteem, confidence and outlook on life. If you know anyone that is suffering such treatment, encourage the subject to seek treatment because no type of abuse is acceptable or justifiable in life. Please seek out a confidante or a counselor who may be able to assist you. Remember-people are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Choose wisely.

Is It Time to Change Our Habits or Change Our Partners?

Humans are creatures of habit (there is no secret about that).   We all thrive upon few elements that make us bond with the universe through seeking predictability in life around us, security, and fulfilling our basic needs.   First, people seek predictability and consistency in people around them because it gives them a sense of comfort in knowing life is running smoothly. When people and situations in life start going haywire, people have a sense of panicking over uncertainty.  For some uncertainty breeds anxiety, panic attacks, rampant contingency planning and more.   Those are the rare times when one's faith is tested in the universe because they do not know what or who is around the corner to change up their everyday routine.   Second, humans need security. Security comes in different forms from physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial and basically any form that accommodates an individual feeling confident and safe in the universe.   Not all forms of security may correlate to an individual’s self-esteem and confidence, though in most cases when one's lifestyle is in harmony with the universe they appear more secure in handling unexpected life circumstances around them. Third, humans have, do and will fulfill their basic needs to co-exist during their time on earth. There are no exceptions to the rule. Whether we are discussing raw basic needs such as water, air, food and sex or whether we are acknowledging the need of communication, attention and affection.

One challenge in relationships people face is when two lifestyles come together urging both partners to compromise in order to co-exist in the couple's physical and foremost mental space.  Women and men engage in creating these 'mental contracts' where they have expectations of what their partner will and will not do while dating or engaging in a relationship with them. Along with the expectations, they also create a negotiable and non-negotiable list for what may hinder their chances of sustaining a long term relationship.  The danger surfaces when these 'mental contracts' are not communicated to their partner.   So when one partner participates in behaviors that violate their partner's mental contract-fire works and some steam will rise eventually leading to debates, arguments and possibly some tough times along the road. 

The two most foreseeable outcomes include both partners communicating their 'mental contracts' explicitly to one another.   This will enable both individuals to voice their expectations and concerns that will lead both of them to acknowledge, consider and compromise in the future.   To the contrary, voicing such 'mental contracts' can also make the partners defensive in the relationship thus encouraging them to be in denial by understanding the stressors that are putting this relationship in question. In an ideal situation, one of the partners will approach the other by becoming proactive in improving the relationship by inquiring what measures can be taken salvage their relationship.

In another world when expectations are not communicated the partners' encounter frustration because their 'mental contracts' are not yielding the live results they were seeking in the couple's space.    Frustration basically is an emotional reaction to when an individual is expecting a particular outcome; instead something else manifests in its place.  Along with frustration, some individuals may develop the flight or fight response.  Either one or both partners will flee and/or avoid the situation at hand or they will choose to fight this out by exchanging their true feelings on this matter.  If neither partner chooses to act upon the opportunity to express their true thoughts regarding their habits for how they effect their relationship, both of them are engaging in a never ending cycle that will keep manifesting the same results in all their relationships.  If they keep repeating the same behaviors while expressing similar reactions in their relationships---chances are extremely low that their future relationships will be successful.

Relationships do iron themselves out with time, only it is up to the individuals to remain in the relationship or not. All relationships take effort no matter how great or small.

People have needs and if they are not met, there is someone for everyone to fulfill them.

Is He Investing as Much as You in This Relationship?

So now you're past the butterflies stage where you wait for your date to arrive for dinner, you two have a great time and then somehow the night miraculously transforms itself into the morning.  A new day has begun, where you two part and go about your day.  Days past, weeks past and months are slowly treading upon the first anniversary coming up.     You begin to ask yourself, is he present only for the good times or is he here for the long haul.  Well, if he rarely took you out to dinner and then pointed it out that it was a favor...there's no faster way of testing a woman's nerves.  Let the man invest in you, let him earn you and if he complains about it....let him know the Exit sign is there for a reason.