Dating with a Purpose

In a world where men and women struggle to make time their ally than their enemy, individuals today have become more selective of choosing their partners in dating.  After all busy people choose carefully how they spend their leisure time because every moment counts where one is making progress or standing still.   In this case, both genders are known to be 'dating with a purpose'.  This means men and women have an objective in mind and intend to fulfill it by filtering their dating potentials before deciding whether they are worthy of a date or not.   Some individuals may choose to date for fun while seeking a casual relationship while some may prefer to screen partners in hopes of finding a long term partner, or a marriage potential.    The days of 'old romance' are gone where men and women would court one another without knowing what is to come next.   In today's age majority of people want to take control of their love lives by engaging in person and online dating for finding suitable partners in a reasonable amount of time.   Although we can control our actions and efforts, it is not always easy to cooperate with the universe when it comes to divine timing.  Any situation that involves more than one person to attain progress (such as dating), one cannot control when their partner will walk into their life or the context of their meeting.  Dating extracts many emotions from people since it is an exciting activity which at the same time can leave one a bit frustrated and skeptical if the right partner for them doesn't appear soon enough to their liking.  For some dating with a purpose may appear a bit harsh because some folks may not have a fair chance at dating if they are quickly overlooked for more viable partners; to the contrary the seeker is saving time and energy in their already hectic lifestyle.   These dating warriors are respectable yet direct in letting people know what & whom they are seeking and why.  If two individuals meet and their intents are different, chances are high this couple will not make it past their second date.    Whether you are seeking short or long term companionship, keep your search honest, simple and fun.  When one stops having fun in their live experiences, the outcome doesn't hold much value because someone forgets to enjoy the journey!

Silent Treatment in Dating

Silent treatment is when one individual actively ignores another person knowing that the recipient of such treatment will be bothered by it. The person may be so offended by it that they may become aggressive in seeking attention or any sort of reaction from the person who is self aware while playing mind games with the subject.

Regardless of context, silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. 

Whether this is occurring in a friendship, a professional setting or a personal relationship, such treatment is considered abuse since in essence silence is being used to acquire control of a situation. Silent treatment triggers mental and emotional conflicts that go unresolved with time because most of the time the behavior cannot be justified other than the abuser 'trying to teach another person a lesson' or overcoming a power struggle. Some forms of silent treatment are the following: ignoring a person's phone calls "knowing" that the lack of response will irritate the caller, ignoring a person's presence "knowing" the one ignored will take notice, sharing common space with an individual and avoiding conversation or interaction at all cost, performing actions in front of an individual "knowing" that it will emotionally make them vulnerable and etc. Short and long term effects of silent treatment abuse can maim one's self esteem, confidence and outlook on life. If you know anyone that is suffering such treatment, encourage the subject to seek treatment because no type of abuse is acceptable or justifiable in life. Please seek out a confidante or a counselor who may be able to assist you. Remember-people are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Choose wisely.

Is It Time to Change Our Habits or Change Our Partners?

Humans are creatures of habit (there is no secret about that).   We all thrive upon few elements that make us bond with the universe through seeking predictability in life around us, security, and fulfilling our basic needs.   First, people seek predictability and consistency in people around them because it gives them a sense of comfort in knowing life is running smoothly. When people and situations in life start going haywire, people have a sense of panicking over uncertainty.  For some uncertainty breeds anxiety, panic attacks, rampant contingency planning and more.   Those are the rare times when one's faith is tested in the universe because they do not know what or who is around the corner to change up their everyday routine.   Second, humans need security. Security comes in different forms from physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial and basically any form that accommodates an individual feeling confident and safe in the universe.   Not all forms of security may correlate to an individual’s self-esteem and confidence, though in most cases when one's lifestyle is in harmony with the universe they appear more secure in handling unexpected life circumstances around them. Third, humans have, do and will fulfill their basic needs to co-exist during their time on earth. There are no exceptions to the rule. Whether we are discussing raw basic needs such as water, air, food and sex or whether we are acknowledging the need of communication, attention and affection.

One challenge in relationships people face is when two lifestyles come together urging both partners to compromise in order to co-exist in the couple's physical and foremost mental space.  Women and men engage in creating these 'mental contracts' where they have expectations of what their partner will and will not do while dating or engaging in a relationship with them. Along with the expectations, they also create a negotiable and non-negotiable list for what may hinder their chances of sustaining a long term relationship.  The danger surfaces when these 'mental contracts' are not communicated to their partner.   So when one partner participates in behaviors that violate their partner's mental contract-fire works and some steam will rise eventually leading to debates, arguments and possibly some tough times along the road. 

The two most foreseeable outcomes include both partners communicating their 'mental contracts' explicitly to one another.   This will enable both individuals to voice their expectations and concerns that will lead both of them to acknowledge, consider and compromise in the future.   To the contrary, voicing such 'mental contracts' can also make the partners defensive in the relationship thus encouraging them to be in denial by understanding the stressors that are putting this relationship in question. In an ideal situation, one of the partners will approach the other by becoming proactive in improving the relationship by inquiring what measures can be taken salvage their relationship.

In another world when expectations are not communicated the partners' encounter frustration because their 'mental contracts' are not yielding the live results they were seeking in the couple's space.    Frustration basically is an emotional reaction to when an individual is expecting a particular outcome; instead something else manifests in its place.  Along with frustration, some individuals may develop the flight or fight response.  Either one or both partners will flee and/or avoid the situation at hand or they will choose to fight this out by exchanging their true feelings on this matter.  If neither partner chooses to act upon the opportunity to express their true thoughts regarding their habits for how they effect their relationship, both of them are engaging in a never ending cycle that will keep manifesting the same results in all their relationships.  If they keep repeating the same behaviors while expressing similar reactions in their relationships---chances are extremely low that their future relationships will be successful.

Relationships do iron themselves out with time, only it is up to the individuals to remain in the relationship or not. All relationships take effort no matter how great or small.

People have needs and if they are not met, there is someone for everyone to fulfill them.

Five Creative Summer Date Ideas

The season of love is prevalent throughout the year though it becomes more apparent during the hot months of summer.  We see couples waking around holding hands, basking in the sun and exploring new ways to spend their time together. Dating is fun whether it is fun indoors or out, it all depends on the activities that you share with your partner that leaves a lasting memory.  
Here are five creative date ideas to consider as the Season of Love hits a high note:


1. Take your partner out to a sporting event, whether it is a basketball game at an arena, a baseball game at a stadium or an event of their choice.  It is the ambiance that determines the mood at the event.  With enough drinks, food and live entertainment there is not much room for things to go wrong. It is a relaxed atmosphere where couples can enjoy the event while socializing on the sidelines.  If the person isn't a sports fanatic, there is always a first time experience for them.   Sports, just like music, is what brings people together.   Basically, keep the moment light and fun. Nothing beats experience, I must admit that I've enjoyed attending such games watching the Celtics, Spurs, Wizards and Lakers play (and I am not a sports fanatic).  It's easy to let the excitement get to you when you're living in the moment.


2.  Plan a weekend get away. Dependent upon how well you know your date along with your comfort level, it's exciting to vacate one's life for the weekend.   There are many bed & breakfast in suburbia where couples can enjoy the view of nature, relax at a spa, go wine tasting and ultimately rest without any distractions.    Some of these venues cost starting from $80 and up, depending on the location, season & type of rental.   


3.   It is nearly impossible for one to date a person who has no opinion or preference towards music. Concert season usually picks up during the spring and starts dying down as winter approaches. Take advantage of going to see world renown artists perform at arenas, conference centers and local venues (possibly right in your city).  My recommendation is also give comedy clubs a try.  I was invited to go see Jim Gaffigan in 2006 and I am glad that I did go. He was a rising comedian at that time with a following among the local clubs. All I was told by a coworker was Jim's main comedic theme is cracking jokes about food and him being pasty white.  Oh, those words rang true as I saw through is performance in a theatre with the audience laughing away into the late evening.   Yes, Jim Gaffigan is ghost white. I'd stood three feet away from him in the theater lobby & I felt this was Casper's sidekick.  I would recommend folks to seek out Russell Peters, another comedian who will not let you leave until your stomach hurts from all the laughing done during his show.   My last recommendation for comics is Maz Jobrani, an Irani-American that hails from Southern California, who is quite an entertainer and likes to address global issues without hesitation. 


4.  City segway tours. These tours comprise of segways, those electronic bikes that resemble a semi-skateboard where the person stands on them and lets the handles direct the course of their journey.  Major cities offer such services to tourists so they can cruise through the city while sight seeing and making stops when needed. The prices do fluctuate for this activity due to season and demand.   Depending on your preference, there is a tour guide that is available to show you around unless you and your partner choose to venture out on your own.  Remember to bring back those segways, or else there's a pricey ramification waiting for you! 


5.    Wine Tasting Festivals. For avid wine drinkers there are festivals and wine-tasting events that occur at wineries as well as specialty shops during the warm weather. These take place throughout the year, only there is a greater turn out in outdoor events where people run into them while window shopping & touring around cities.    Whether your preference is for white or red wine, there is enough variety to go around making everyone happy.    Depending on the host, some venues do heavily enforce ID'ing their visitors before serving wine as well there are places that may limit the quantity of tastings for your safety (I've noticed this is more common in local shops).  Usually there is a small fee to pay ranging from $5 and up where visitors are granted open access to the owner's selection of drinks.  Just remember to remain hydrated if you choose to participate during the summer heat.
p.s. Did you know that Virgin America has a wine club "Virgin Wines" now? Check it out.

Is Sexting Considered Cheating?

Men and women do yearn for a thrill when they are dating and engaging in relationships--ok--so most of us can relate to that at some point in time.   Whether there are two people willing to shoot an intimate video during their horizontal tango, ménage-a-tois or solo act, there will "always" be a voyeur ready to sell you out. This voyeur may even include yourself!  It is not a matter of if, it is more so a matter of when.  The timer starts ticking the moment one releases such energy into the universe and then disperses these snippets into main stream media.    Look at Anthony Weiner for example, I was aware he was guilty of such an act because his energy just reeks of guilt.

Does this fiasco make Weiner a bad man? No 

Does it make him appear stupid? Oh very much so.   Regardless to what degree he disclosed himself to his cyber ladies, this doesn't negate the fact that he crossed boundaries outside of his marriage.

People in committed relationships endure ramifications of infidelity when they choose to get emotionally involved with another person, act upon their physical desires, sexting (text messaging with sexual references) outside of their present relationship with a spouse or date, kissing (yes, kissing is cheating's cousin) and any behaviors that seek attention & affection from outside the individual's immediate relationship.   It's common for couples to engage in such behaviors "within" their relationship where they are honoring one another and not committing these acts outside of their relationship. Still there is this danger of documented behaviors behind closed doors that come to see the light of day, again--it is only a matter of time.  There is nothing private now a days, not even your sex life.    To some degree, men and women do allude to their intimate life when he or she needs validation that their behaviors are normal, or per se more creative than the couple next door.   Remember...at the end of the day, every best friend has a best friend.

Either one person will 'hear' about your activities while the lucky (or so not lucky) audience members will 'see' these acts being replayed all over the place.   Trust me, it is a small world.   

It's not as Weiner needed more publicity for his political career, the act itself is not a fair representation of his competency to serve the state of New York. However his reaction to when the scandal broke and how he addressed the matter clearly depicts that he will lie his way through anything until he realizes he will be caught anyway. It is his lying that hasn't sat well among his followers.  This is probably one of his behaviors that have surfaced at this moment in time.   His energy speaks volumes and I do not feel there are just a few of these audience members that have gotten hold of his bulge, or as his friend Jon Stewart commented regarding Weiner's twitpic that there is a lot of Anthony in there yet not much Weiner.   I can only imagine how Stewart will greet Weiner the next time they meet. Regardless of their takes on this, Stewart does come off as a genuine friend of Weiner's who will hopefully enlighten Weiner how to keep his legs crossed when alone.   Boys will be boys, though some boys need to be publicly humiliated to learn a good lesson. 

Was Weiner aware that what he was doing wrong? I am confident 99% he knew he was taking a risk.   

Does he fear the consequences? Yes  

Will he pull through out of this? Yes although it may take a few 6-9 months for him to recover.

What was the wifes reaction?  Probably horrified and ready to shove that phone up his...

As a proud Democrat, will Weiner win back my support? Hmm, not until I see a twitpic that i approve of  :)

Until next time, control the bulge and make sure when you get a request for a head shot--it's not for the head south of the border!

What Does 'Taking a Break' in Dating Mean?

During Christina and Paul's time together in their three-year relationship, both of them have encountered life's greatest moments along with relationship hurdles that both have successfully overcome. Acknowledging that this couple has weathered through the growing pains of developing a new relationship, it only seems practical for one to think that marriage may be around the corner. Friends of this couple envy Christina and Paul's chemistry together, their lifestyle and their comfort level around one another. What people do not know about this glamorous couple is that they are actually contemplating 'taking a break'? Excuse me, what? What does exactly 'taking a break mean'? Countless stories swirl around of couples that appear content that choose to take time apart from one another.

A hopeless romantic would ask themselves, "Can't Christina and Paul just take a few days apart, such as a vacation, if either one is yearning for physical and mental space?" A skeptic would probably think, "I knew something was up because their dating life appeared too good to be true." Of course the cynic would say, "Told you so," with their eyes rolling as this news is an everyday occurrence. Here are few possible reasons why some couples may consider taking a break:

* It is only natural that people evolve with time and experiences that one may want to reassess what they want in life. Spending time alone only reinforces their inner needs and wants.
* Some individuals become too dependent upon their partner that they need to reclaim their independence and identity.
* Life presents some insurmountable challenges within and outside the relationship that one must question what is a deal breaker in a relationship (finances, no marriage in sight, infidelity, addiction, etc.).
* Third parties (past lovers, new lovers, family) intruding into the couples' personal life starts taking its toll on the relationship where trust and values are in question.
* Basically taking a 'time out' of a relationship forces individuals to grow on their own rather than being associated under one character (morphing into one personality, one belief system, identity.)

Is 'taking a break' a new fad? Not really. It some cases 'taking a break' can save a relationship than the couple suddenly giving up on it. More so this break enables a couple from slowing down a relationship that is moving too fast since such relationships burn out fast due to lack of nurturing, which only comes with time. In other cases it is necessary to address any concerns existing in a relationship so the relationship can move accordingly forward or cease in time. It is up to the individual to decide how they will capitalize upon the time available; as well how to move forward with new realizations during their time apart from their partner.
What behaviors are permissible while 'taking a break'? This is to be addressed by the couple who decides to take time apart whether it is intended to be temporary or meant to be permanent. Some couples explicitly state that they do not want their partner dating others or engaging in romantic liaisons, making major life decisions without the partner's input, interacting with the partner's family and more. To the contrary, there are couples that abruptly decide to take a break thus yielding a very ambiguous situation where the partners have not addressed what are the relationship deal breakers while spending time apart.

Overall taking a break encourages a couple to reassess themselves, their relationship and life overall.

* Warning: Think twice before taking a break because some people may never return from this break!