Friday, May 27, 2011

Dating a Sex Addict

Here's a story about an unidentified man who claimed that he loved sex and he 'could not live without it'. His former partner claimed that if he loved sex enough it would show through his actions, attitude and demeanor during the actual act. After studying the man's history it was apparent he battled two addictions which were alcohol and cocaine. While listening to the man's stories, especially about his sexual history with women, it became apparent that he was using sex similarly like alcohol to numb and void an intangible pain that resides within him. Some of his sexual partners recognized his romantic liaisons to be lacking substance, which meant a portion of the women would not even consider him for a one night stand 'if' they had known better. It was disclosed over a period of time that this man was only able to hold down one relationship over his lifetime, which is a bit disconcerting since this man is middle aged and that particular relationship was only short lived. It is not sex that determines the overall long life of a relationship though it does play a monumental role for building and sustaining a relationship. Is it possible that he sabotaged his own relationship to the point where his partner was driven to seek sexual satisfaction from elsewhere? Sex contributes to a person's mental, emotional and physiological well being. It was his lack of mental, emotional and physical presence that drove his partner into the arms of someone else who conveniently rescued her not only in bed but also in life.

A man who's a sex addict will get a high off by engaging in sex with anyone. His selective filtering mechanisms for finding a good looking partner and a decent soul are low. He's not thinking in terms of survival of the fittest, he's only thinking in terms of his immediate survival needs. He needs his quick fix, it doesn't matter if he's in a committed relationship with someone or not. This addiction lurks within him and challenges him to go seek his excitement that distracts him from his problems. He's not too fixated on creativity while performing sex, he's more fixated on reaching HIS height of euphoria. Every time he has sex, he may think he's approaching salvation yet this euphoria will last from few seconds to an hour or two. Sex addicts do not weigh their risks if they are hurting anyone around them, they are on a mission where they will not walk away dissatisfied. Safe sex is not a priority for them and in most cases they are at VERY high risk for STDs due to their random liaisons compared to other sexually active men. These risk takers believe they reach a state of immunity from contracting these sexually transmitted diseases because the symptoms of the illness would have surfaced by now. A handful of STDs remain dormant for quite a while before they start encompassing the person's reproductive system and overall health. From my observation, most sex addicts have other addictions that complement their erratic behavior. The man in this case was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to escape his realities, which were not disappearing unless he dealt with his trailing demons while sober.

To the contrary, a man that loves sex will make an effort to screen his partners. This man will not only seek satisfaction for himself, he will be cognizant to fulfill his sexual partner's needs as well. Women claim these men are better at sex and the men's mental focus is active not passive. If there is any hesitation or reluctance from his partner to engage in sexual activities, he will not run off leaving skid marks for another high risk partner. He is more patient than a sex addict, perhaps due to the man's healthy awareness of his sexuality. His sexuality does not dominate his other aspects of his life, where his family and professional life start to suffer. A sex crazed man will use sex as a recreational activity instead as a panacea to address his unresolved life issues. Sex is a recommended stress reliever for men and women as it improves the emotional health of both genders along with other benefits. Both types of men described here want to seek pleasure yet both of them perceive sex and react to it differently.

Any form of addiction has an underlying cause that triggers certain thoughts and behaviors within a suffering person. Addiction is a symptom of a greater problem. It is best they seek guidance through a loved one or a professional therapist who can provide tools to overcome such mental and behavioral problems. It is not the act(s) that raise red flags among addicts, more so one needs to learn and understand why they choose to participate in such self-destructive habits.

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