"So you took a chance, made other plans..."

Getting Ex'ed by Text

Here is an interesting excerpt from Mimi Tanner's column, people read this s-l-o-w-l-y.

"How should one respond to such a text message? Please don't dignify that with ANY response - at least not by text.  And the little "holiday texts" - are you supposed to be impressed or consoled by those? If those are  all that's left after the Breakup Text, they're equally lame and ridiculous! They're annoying, too.  You don't really want your pleasant day to be interrupted by Mr. I'm-Sure-You-Want-To-Get-My Happy-Mothers-Day-Text.

When a person gets Exed by Text, the best response is DEAD SILENCE. Nothing is more effective than that. And no one can fault you for it, either. If your ex gets mad about your lack of response to their Text Drama, then consider their anger to be a form of manipulation. Don't let it guilt you into a response you were not planning to make. If he asks you (in person) if you got his "Happy Easter" text, just say "Yeah, I got it," without further comment or emotion of any kind. You're not trying to keep the conversation going anymore. You have moved on!"

Now coming back to the present if anyone out there needs a little nudge in breaking up from their partner, Ms. Wake Up will be glad to put things into perspective for you as well write a letter on your behalf addressed to the one getting ex'ed. The letter is to assist you in delivering the break-up news, whether it relayed via an email, a phone call or in-person.

Do not join the ignorant men and women who lack the decorum of relaying news face to face. After all, possessing dignity means knowing how to handle life circumstances with tact and diplomacy regardless of the personalities involved.

If you haven't found Mr.Right, no worries, there are plenty of Mr. Right Now's swimming among us. ;)

Breaking Up with a Post-It Note

Remember the episode where Carrie gets dumped by her boyfriend "Berger" in 'Sex and the City'?   Loyal viewers of the show knew that Berger wasn't the one for Carrie though he did make a decent companion for her to date while taking a break from her two loves, Mr. Big and Aidan.    Berger and Carrie had their fair share of moments of laughter and life lessons though the biggest surprise came Carrie's way when Berger decides to break up with her on a Post-It note.  Yep, you read that properly...a Post-It note--the yellow colored square sticky pads which we write our reminders on and slap them where ever it will remain in our view.     Hours prior to him breaking up with Carrie, he decides to visit her place for a romantic night where he showers her with flowers and attention. Before Carrie wakes up in the morning, she finds the Post-It in her view and it reads the following, "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me". Ironically, Jack Berger was bold enough to tell Carrie he was interested in giving their relationship another try that same evening.

I never knew Post-Its can be that effective in relaying messages, considering their small size the messenger must be articulate and quick in dropping that note before getting caught and beaten over the head.
There are many ways of breaking up with dates, girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses and more.   Does a Post-It break up count as a legit way of breaking up? Is a phone call or a formal message needed following such a message?  One would say no because if the person had any form of admirable communication skills, the messenger would have opted for another method of communication.  

Are there more creative ways of breaking up? Yes!

Having some trouble cutting ties with your date because you are unable to address the final good bye without being cajoled into giving it 'another try'? Let me assist you in closing this deal and moving on without lingering doubts or guilt. How you communicate the message determines whether there is any room for future opportunities in the l-o-v-e department.

Two-Timing Men Who Think Women are in the Dark

(EXCERPT from Mimi Tanner's newsletter where a guest sheds some light)


"...The right guy would want to make weekend plans with a woman he's dating."

"He said, 'The phone is a two-way street, and you could have called me this weekend.' I told him I wasn't in the mood to chase guys anymore."

"I also said that when a guy isn't making plans with a woman he's dating, it seemed to me there was most likely someone else he might be dating who was, in fact, filling his weekend time. There was dead silence on the end of the line."

"I had called his bluff. He was dating someone else, along with me."

"Essentially, this guy was trying to make ME feel guilty for not calling him, when in fact, he was seeing someone else!"

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Finding a date in today's age can only take few seconds at a matter of a click. Compared to two decades ago, dating websites and dating services have increased exponentially to bring men and women together from all over the world.  Some of the websites are very specific in nature serving heterosexuals, homosexuals, people with specific hobbies, ethnicity and religion, business professionals, and the list continues. It is impossible to come across such sites and not be force fed that our lover and possibly soul mate is waiting to hear from us. It is an effective way of meeting people who are always preoccupied with work that they do not have time to invest in meeting people on regular basis. Below are few safety tips for online dating intended for both genders:

1. Be creative and HONEST when writing your dating profile. If possible use a recent picture of yourself that portrays your personality. For those who are shy, it is understandable why they may want to fore go posting a picture, though I would highly recommend a picture. A picture communicates to viewers that you are a real person who is approachable and is making an active effort to meeting like minded people. Usually profiles without a picture are overlooked regardless of the content because people need a visual stimuli to lure their interest onto YOU. A picture is worth a thousand words so post a picture that is classy and a natural shot. Also keep your profile short and sweet, no one is intending to read your life story. Leave such details to share over a possible date.

2. Just as dating on the streets, use COMMON SENSE when communicating with your potential partners. Do not disclose too much personal information on your profile, it is okay to share your first name if you choose but do leave a bit of mystery to your identity. Identity theft is one of the top five crimes in this country. So it is foolish to display where you work, your specific home address and material that will trace back to YOU other than your screen name. It does not take a rocket scientist to connect the dots and start using your personal information against you. Profiles with pictures receive much incoming mail, therefore use discretion when responding to these messages. You are not expected to respond to any if you choose not to, do not feel bad if certain messages are not answered. Also if there are any individuals disrespecting and harassing you online, you should be able to block them on the website. Only share your phone number when you feel comfortable and do keep in mind it is not unusual for some profiles to be fake. Yes, there are people out there who do not have much to do-sad but true.

3. This message is intended more so for the ladies: keep a buddy system. When you are ready to go out on a date, let a friend or contact know that you'll be out meeting someone. You do not have to share the details but most importantly you are letting another person know you are out and about busy meeting someone.  If it is a close friend, you can let them know where you are expecting to go.  Therefore as a safety mechanism, your buddy will be aware of your whereabouts and know that your date is going smoothly without any problems. Due to the advent of technology, it is common for people to chat more so than talk on the phone. Make sure you have spoken at least once with the individual you are planning to meet. It is comforting to know the person that you are communicating with has a voice other than a virtual presence.

4. Have an exit strategy. If a date is going not as expected and your partner appears to be belligerent or starts acting disrespectful, have a back up plan ready. YOU choose to stay or go in this situation. It is best to have the first date in a public location for safety purposes, in case anything happens you will be a familiar face that someone can recall. Also if you are granted an option to pick a place, take advantage of this as you decide which environment makes you feel comfortable and represents you the best.

5. Lastly if you choose to get intimate with any of your partners, remember to practice safe sex because you'll never know where they were the night before (or after). Contracting STDs from a random or an online date doesn't sound too hot to me (grinning).

Ten Red Flags Women Should Recognize When Dating Men

1. He has addictions. These addictions can be some of the following: alcohol, medical drugs, recreational drugs, sex, gambling and many other habits that lead to self destruction. If he's been to rehab and he still flirts around with his vices, it is time to consider an exit strategy for the relationship to end. Usually women become too involved with a man to learn later in time that he has a strong addiction that tends to dominate their relationship. Soon these woman start fighting the consequences of their partner's addictions themselves.

In essence, the woman becomes an addict like her partner while fighting his battle which makes it harder for her to break free from this toxic relationship and environment. Partners that act as bystanders in these relationships require more help in theory than their struggling partner. It is a cyclical relationship with invisible chains that bind this couple together and soon both of their lives spiral downwards before resulting in a tragedy.

2. He lives with regrets. A man that usually speaks more about the past than the present is definitely a person who is not living in the NOW. He "could have, should have" but "didn't" act upon his life goals, is now basing his life circumstances by replaying his past than actually making changes to his present condition. If this behavior persists for too long, he indirectly is letting the woman know that he may unintentionally start forming regrets in the relationships too. Those who form regrets either do not invest 100% of their time and energy to achieve their goals, knowingly pass up rare life opportunities, are afraid to take risks, and foremost are afraid of failure.

3. He acknowledges that he hasn't lived up to his potential. This variable is a bit different than #2 because a person can live without regrets yet still not fulfill their life potential. Here the man chooses to engage in certain endeavors, only he knows when he's not performing at his potential and he is OK with it. He may accept dating a specific woman as a privilege though he still doesn't live up to his best characteristics of being a caring partner.

4. He has resigned his life decisions to his mother's judgment. Boys turn to their mothers for guidance, MEN should reflect within themselves for guidance before seeking it from his confidantes. Regardless of race, culture or religion, it is inevitable to come across men who lack the brain power to take responsibility for their lives. If the men are too passive, their mothers will make a cameo appearance and invite themselves to stay as long as they like. I assure you if women do not address such matters before seriously committing to such a guy, "Mama" will be hovering around every aspect of your relationship. A full grown mature man should appreciate his Mama's presence although he should not let her run the show. Women have zero tolerance for such mamas who dominate their personal relationships by emotionally manipulating the man's character to the point where the man starts pulling away from the woman. If Mama's calling the shots now, no matter how great the guy is, I would recommend leaving this suffocating relationship if no party addresses this conflict.

5. He speaks ill of women that have dated and lived a conjugal lifestyle with him. This goes from disclosing these women's personal histories, sexual preferences and their human faults. Gossiping represents bad manners but more so HIS gossiping is detrimental to these ladies and an insight that he'll be bashing you to his friends only in a matter of time. If he doesn't know you well and starts harping about other women in bed, you're another statistic in HIS book. Any man that kisses and tells is a man NOT to be taken seriously. This type of man should be discarded immediately because he'll only contribute to your life as toxic waste. He's not the type to build a future with nor is he the type to even keep around as a past time. A woman of self respect will flush him away the moment his lack of manners become apparent when dating him.

6. Leopards don't change their spots. Stop volunteering for fixing people's characters and their problems. People can only change themselves. People choose to be happy, prosperous and committed in life. If they choose to be unhappy, it is their responsibility to change their condition or else to continue facing a life filled of poor judgments.

7. He's Okay Being Treated Like a Door Mat. If his family, friends and strangers treat him less than acceptable and he continues engaging in these relationships, he may have a history of mental and emotional abuse. Such abuse makes an individual think they are not worthy of respect thus affecting their own self-respect and self-esteem. If he doesn't find anything wrong with such treatment, it is possible he may think 'going with the flow' will mitigate these unfavorable circumstances. Such scenarios of abusive relationships only enhance problems within one's mental, emotional and physical health. He may not project such inferiority complexes towards you or voice them, yet these elements do contribute to sabotaging a new relationship.

8. He has a history of dating cheaters and he is OK with it. All REAL men that I know would not stand for a cheater regardless of whether they were a victim or a bystander watching a loved one suffer from such behavior. A man that dates exclusively (even if it's for fun and there is no marriage waiting at the end) would not stand for this type of behavior. Men who usually accept a cheating partner are either cheating themselves, have no self-esteem, justify their partner's cheating as their fault (complete nonsense!), or live with the fear they will not find a better partner again. Yes, it's true and impossible for some to believe that people may stick around a cheating partner because someone better may not come along or for the fear of being alone.

9. He's too susceptible to his family and friend's guidance. It's one thing to seek guidance and actually heed it. If he doesn't apply his own judgment when making life decisions, you're basically dating an indecisive man. If he's seeking everyone's' validation around him for making life decisions, the last thing a woman wants is third parties intruding in her personal relationship. A man should be a gentleman, not 'act' like a gentleman. He should apply discretion when needed; as well he shouldn't blindly follow advice from people who lack credibility.

10. He displays inconsistency in contact, speech and actions. If he doesn't keep his word for the small things, do not expect him to perform miracles while dating him or being in an exclusive relationship with him. Remember what you see now is what you will also get later.