Be Careful What You Wish For

It’s that ideal job, ideal home or even perhaps that ideal relationship that one yearns for yet has no clue that there is no standard ideal in this world. If ladies are seeking a man with specific looks, income or lifestyle just remember that there is always a catch. The catch doesn’t become apparent in the short term yet instead it surfaces on its own in the long term. What is this catch? It can range from settling with the wrong partner for the wrong reasons to being with a partner hoping they will change. Folks, people cannot change other people. People may influence other people though heed that change can only transpire from within or else—one will be waiting forever to realize that we can only work miracles on ourselves. Majority of us have a checklist for meeting our ideal mates, where we’re made to believe that every box on the list needs to be marked off to immune oneself from relationship problems. Not so. If an individual finds a mate that meets 80% of the characteristics they are seeking in a date, it is considered a healthy sign to proceed exploring the relationship further with this match.

Be Careful What You Wish For
Credit: www.rupertwhite.co.uk

It is not possible for couples to relate to one another 100% as long as there are two separate minds situated in the same air space, there is apt to be difference in opinion which ultimately leads to some situational conflicts. Many couples perceive that conflict serves as a bad ingredient to a relationship but those who are smart to engage in conflict resolution can testify that 90% of the time it can only improve the state of the existing relationship. So how is the latter 20% accounted for when our prospect matches 80% of our checklist? It is the latter 20% that makes the relationship interesting from introducing the partners to different mindsets, lifestyles and challenges that nurture the dynamics of this evolving union. Is this 80/20 ratio valid for all couples? Not all the time. The ratio may vary in favor of the couple or it may not lead marriage counselors to believe that the 80/20 rule sets forth a healthy baseline from which a relationship can flourish. Among those couples that pass the 80/20 rule, these couples encountered less arguments yielding one down moment for every five positive moments spent together. It’s never too late to assess where one’s relationship stands so the proper measures can be implemented to move on forward with clarity leaving behind any remnants of uncertainty. Do you know where you stand?

His Family’s Affect on Your Marriage

We live in a fast paced world where either we are chasing someone or are being chased. Well today’s tit-for-tat is dedicated to those that have been captured and are married—happily— or is it so?   It's not unusual when we cross paths with loving couples that we wonder if these  two individuals bide well with their in-laws.   Dating the right partner for us can be an exciting experience if the individual wants this relationship to manifest into marriage over time. Not only is the woman dating the man because she feels he enriches her life; as well  she is dating his family to some degree too (if you really think about it).    She may be marrying the guy though in theory she is adopting a whole new family into her life whether she acknowledges it or not, ultimately yielding a challenge for her if the family is not as loving as her hubby.    Marriage is basically a ‘buy one get one free deal’ where the woman is not only engaging in a relationship with her man yet also his family. Depending on how well he gets along with his family and his relatives, it is predictable to encounter a difference in opinions during the life of the marriage.
Some in-laws are very welcoming while others can be intrusive enough to make one reconsider why they even got married in the first place. If the woman’s in-laws are already running her husband’s life now, it will only get worse with time.    After all the woman may have her own way of creating a home and raising a family; to the contrary the in-laws may think their lifestyle supersedes everyone else thus creating rifts among the couple’s marriage.     Not everyone acknowledges boundaries of personal space, privacy and foremost life transitions.   Most families have characters that can make one’s mind spin from the crazy uncle to the sibling that makes the news for raising havoc.  Marriage is not a haven for perfection yet it can become overwhelming when third parties, especially families—or his family particularly, begin to engage in making conjugal life decisions on behalf of the couple.  

His family may not be a problem but his family’s affect on him is a cause of concern.  

If his family is drama prone, stress will ultimately transfuse into the marriage where the wife is an involuntary bystander trying to alleviate his burden or distance him from his relatives.  He cannot use his parents or his father particularly as a reason to defer making life decisions on his own.   If anyone is using money or emotional manipulation to control the hubby, hubby is smart enough to know his parents are going to die anyway--fake lingering heart problems or not.  Only a weak man uses his father as an excuse to avoid any emotional or social responsibility.  The wife is not to blame for his family's behaviors, likewise it is not her job to put out the fires that are caused by other people.

Inquiring minds would like to know, "Is your guy MAN enough to take a stand?".

"Man Up Buddy"
Courtesy of J. Whiteway

Put A Ring On It

Hope

Hope, courtesy of  STCS

A Date Ending at Yotel

Two people meet on a date, sparks fly, great dinner--great music--great wine and since they are seeking 'perhaps more'...why not consider more at Yotel?   Yotel is a high end, hi-tech hotel that has locations in New York City and London.   With its very futuristic & James Bond-"ish" feel, almost all operations of this hotel are automated from the time the visitors check-in to the moment they bid farewell to the 'Yobot'.    This odyssey minded ambiance provides the ideal get away with its fair share of entertainment, lounges, terraces and studios which provide visitors an escape from the their typical hotel experience.  The rates may be a bit pricey yet there is no other competitor that can offer such an experience leaving one to ponder when will more cities adopt this metropolitan allure.   Yotel's presence is not solely marketed as a tech savvy hotel, in fact there is plenty of modern architecture, art work and gadgets to keep one busy that the 'more' portion of the date can 'perhaps' just wait.    "So is it your place or mine or...?"

Credit: Tots and Travel

Granting a Fair Chance in Dating

What is it with women judging men off the bat?   Give the man a chance, a fair chance. By observing the dating circles, it is apparent that some women are too uptight to enjoy and have a good time as the man takes a chance to be enchanted by her company. Such women walk into their dates with an attitude to deliver a laundry list for what they want in a man yet they are not ready to make themselves available for the man.   It is okay to know what she wants in a man but first impressions go a long way so this isn't exactly the right way of seeking a man--anywhere, anytime, anyhow.   It's good to know she practices self-respect while exuding self esteem though do not overwhelm a man, who's still considered a stranger, on a first date by intimidating him with all these expectations. He made a choice to show up after inviting her (not all dates come to fruition just because a meeting is agreed upon) so why not give him a fair chance? A fair chance means allowing oneself to have a good time while learning about him during the date and perhaps some more.    Don't read into his every word, just enjoy the moment.  Assess a man based off his actions not words for men who are anxious & confused may say what they feel one may 'want' to hear than 'need' to hear.  Honesty at times may contain a bare bones message yet people don't appreciate it until later in time. Be honest with thyself and respect the date for it can only set off good karma into the universe. A date that already has preset conditions is starting off on a shaky note because some things that begin awkwardly can turn out better; likewise there are meetings that turn out great but the passion dies out by the second or third date.  It is 'ok'. Breathe, relax and have fun in the process. Not every date is a passage to a long-term relationship or marriage. If one can't enjoy the present, they will not be content a week from now or perhaps a year from now. What you see is what you get. Are you putting your best foot forward when you are out meeting people?  Dating doesn't come easily to a lot of people therefore keep some courtesy in mind.
  
Granting a date a fair chance doesn't mean to keep a partner around for weeks dragging or for months if one already knows that is not the partner for them.  The point of dating is to have a good time while seeking the right partner for oneself. There are plenty of fish in the ocean, some are hiding within the deep blue waters where more patience & a stronger bait is needed. Only the strong survive. Good luck!

Time to Celebrate, Syrah Syrah!

Whether one indulges in wine tasting or wine drinking on regular basis, it is wise to know the caloric content of those mesmerizing wines that enable one to flirt with a stupor after a long week.   There are a handful of couples who engage in wine drinking that it is only a few months later the couple realize they've put on weight through the consumption of wines. The offense is not the act of drinking wine but the quantity of wine consumed.   Curious to know how many calories of wine you're consuming? Take a look here.
For wine drinkers that are interested in seeking exclusive membership to tasting fine wines, consider shopping at Virgin Wines.  Shopping at Virgin Wines not only grants customers great bargains yet one's Virgin account is credited with points so they can be redeemed while flying on their carrier.  If one's taste palette's are yearning for wine from the Americas, Africa, Europe and other exotic locations, scroll through their selection and click 'check out.'. The order shall arrive within a few business days.  
After a long day, a little Bordeaux can't hurt. ;)

Credit: Virgin Vines
"You've made it through another week, Syrah Syrah!"-Ms. Wake Up

Smile

Credit: Mad Mom, Denmark

"I Love You Came Too Late"

"So you took a chance, made other plans..."

Russian Roulette in Love: Arranged Marriages

Chinese. Arab. American. Israeli. Buddhist. Muslim. Christian. Jewish.

What do all these counterparts have in common? Very deep lineages of historical beliefs that travel through time capturing those swimming along a tide by taking them from one wave of societal changes to the next. Foremost cultural and religious changes run rampant that either one is quick to jump onto the band wagon or one is struggling to break free from tradition. Tradition welcomes people into the world of social norms and beliefs that are marketed to benefit communities as a whole while extracting sacrifices from the common man to bring honor to his family. Masses of people perceive the world to be part of either two worlds –‘East meets West’ or ‘West meets East’. Both worlds believe that their means of living supersedes the other; ironically both hemispheres are codependent upon one another due to the advent of migration and globalization which holds them hostage from abandoning their identities forever. The fabric of life with its loose threads cannot be cut off in a blink of an eye; it requires some degree of resistance to not embrace what is passed on forward from our ancestors.
When one enters the realm of marriage, it is clear that some cultures hold on to past traditions more strongly since their ideologies are profusely advocated through cultural circles, religious houses of worship, social media, propaganda, one’s domestic life, self pronounced scholars; etc.

Are arranged marriages outdated? Not necessarily. 

Credit: Datingish

An individual with basic knowledge of the world may quickly assess that arranged marriages are mostly common among the eastern cultures, third world countries, or among specific peoples of faith. The concept of arranged marriage for a progressive may appear archaic yet there must be some truth to why its survival still lurks among us in 2011. Some common misconceptions of this arrangement entail from two individuals marrying within the same family to marrying a specific individual to withhold family honor while capitalizing upon mutually beneficial resources. After all in the medieval days marriage served a practical purpose, where as over time the concept of love became commercialized in society leading people to believe love leads to marriage—perhaps in some cases. If the latter belief were 100% true, one ponders why those marrying for love contribute to staggering divorce rates in the Western world.
Do not be fooled, divorces are common among the Eastern cultures as well yet it is not a treated as a topic for teatime, or one to be adorned because divorce is treated as a liability versus marriage that equates to emotional & financial security.  The reasons for such divorces are not directly correlated to unions dissolving due to arranged marriages, in fact a significant number of those marriages were unsuccessful due to both partners not being knowledgeable enough on how to balance the demands of marriage.  Even in modern society marrying a person of one's choice cannot predict the longevity of the union. The rules of finding a mate are basic: to have a genuine intent in seeking a relationship that will benefit both partners with the aid of the universe. Truth be told, some marry for looks, wealth, and status where as those who cast away the latter elements take a leap of faith --all in the name of-- love. Arrange marriages occur among families who are not blood related; some unions originate through blind dates & meeting through friends. Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, those meetings qualify as an ‘arrangement’ of some sorts too. Initially when one hears of arranged marriage, the mind naturally conjures up the demographics of these couples along with reasons why such a union would suffice.

Proponents of arrange marriage firmly believe that a relationship in general has a 50/50 chance of survival. Regardless of how two individuals meet, it is up to their discretion to address whether they’ will’ make compatible partners in a life long union-- at least that is the intent. The latter thought flirts with the acts of dating if the two people are left to decide whether they are competent enough to entertain a long term relationship; to the contrary society is lead to believe that 99% of couples introduced in an ‘arranged marriage’ setting will blindly fulfill societal expectations, or per se ‘mommy’s request’(oops,no one is supposed to know...sshh). Readers and listeners alike have to vacate their wavering minds for a moment in order to better understand the conveniences that presently enable individuals to meet like minds in arranged marriage settings. Arranged marriages do not necessarily need to be coordinated through family members or members of the clergy, in today’s age single souls are taking matters into their hands by arranging their own marriages.  All individuals are taking that risk to meet their next partner who may be their better half so in essence if we're not open to meeting people on a wider platform, we are restricting our choices by eliminating how we do not want to meet our partner. It is important to focus on what we do want, not what we do 'not' want.  Remember the universe will always deliver what we need, perhaps not always what we want.

"Inny, minny, miney, mo....."-Ms. Wake Up
Credit: Survivor Sucks

Marriage is the end goal by arranging circumstances which make individuals comfortable enough to address the pink elephant in the room—"is there a future for us or not?" The concept of ‘fixing’ marriages can be interpreted in a constrictive or loose manner, depending upon the individual’s values. As Ms. Wake Up leaves readers to evaluate their own dating and relationship lifestyles, it is pertinent to remind all fluttering hearts that there resides a lucrative million dollar market for online dating, live meet & greet services, matrimonial sites and other venues that are easily a click or phone call away. To some extent all emotionally available candidates are arranging their marriage, or at least a relationship, according to their preferences.

Why wait to be hit by cupid’s arrow when there’s Arab Lounge, Match.com, Jewish Singles, Christian Singles, Naseeb, Plenty of Fish, Chemistry.com, Facebook, MeetUp.com It’s Just Lunch, Professionals in the City….and many other mediums waiting to help everyone out? (Phew the list never ends)! Remember no one is alone in this journey of seeking acceptance and balanced love!

Our guest Sasha welcomes you to drop by for a love, life and relationship reading where she answers her clients’ pressing questions on "Sasha Talks" and other social venues where she caters to her global audiences.

Is Sex Enough in Today's Times?

Memorable Introductions: DarkMan69

This enigmatic character surfaced out of thin air one fall day when Ms. Wake Up was surfing the web for a specific item. Somehow the web results mysteriously caught cached pages of items that were correlated yet not directly linked to DarkMan69’s written material. While skimming the search results, it only appeared practical to see what DarkMan69 wanted the world to know. His writing covered an array of politics, the infinite facets of human beliefs while restraining his dogma from segregating his audiences; as well exuding enough ephemeral presence to lure interest from strangers.  Apparently it remains unknown to this day if it was the writing or the mystifying picture that made Ms. Wake Up drop by for a dose of current events.   

Credit: '80MillionMovies'

C’mon folks, it’s DarkMan69. How can you not know this? Ms. Wake Up will tell you why. This is how the conversation manifested over hmm…his highness (rolling eyes).

“I noticed your picture was titled DarkMan69.  Any deep insight behind the title?”

“It was a picture taken quite some time ago.”

“Is the 69 alluding to a personal preference for….”

“It’s my birth year. Why? “

“Ah, never mind, (sigh) there goes my mojo.”

*Notice the difference how men and women communicate?*