Prisoner's Dilemma in Relationships

Among all relationships, there comes a time when two people come to a standstill because there are stuck in a 'prisoner's dilemma'. The prisoner's dilemma in love is depicted in a scenario where it's best for both partners to agree in order to avoid confrontation that leads to further discord in the relationship. If one partner is open to negotiating and disclosing their confession (reservations one may have in the relationship), this brave partner has better chances of avoiding future relationship conflict without feeling imprisoned to tolerate their partner's behavior. Likewise, the other partner in the relationship has a similar option to confess thus alleviating the tension within the relationship.
So why is it that neither partner will come clean with one another regarding the state of their relationship? If the lady is intending to confess but she chooses not to, this is because she isn't sure that the man will follow her lead to confess too.

Courtesy of Paul GoodChild, Life in Balance

The lovers may reason that they should not confess because if they do--their partner will not confess if granted a second opportunity. This reasoning isn't quite logical because for every opportunity that is presented to each partner to confess, the stakes are higher as the benefits of confessing increase yet so does the punishment that will keep continue undermining the harmonious state of their relationship. Overall these lovers will either engage in cooperative or non cooperative bargaining. If they engage in cooperation, at least one of them believes in the betterment for all by cutting their losses short and moving on. It is possible that one may engage in noncooperation, where this lover is bidding their time by acting selfish in the relationship to serve their own interests. It cannot be generalized that women are more prone to cooperating in dating and relationship conflict versus their counterparts who are possibly holding back in order to win such "power wars". In such non cooperative instances, one acknowledges how intelligent these lovers are while learning how far they will go to achieve their own goals.
Prisoner's dilemma has been around for decades where peoples' intent and motives are tested to address societal norms from a local and global perspective. If one is faced with similar dilemmas in greater frequencies, it is possible that over time both partners will cooperate for the right reason. This theory also analyzes the disparity that addresses why one may 'intend' to do one thing yet result participating in another act. Please note the term 'confessions' in this message is applied to address reservations that surface within romantic relationships, it is not relayed in the form of a negative connotation. Ms. Wake Up is not encouraging her audience to play games in their love lives; instead she wants her audience to realize that sooner or later in all relationships---communication--is a must. In relationships both partners must acknowledge telepathy is not valid, one must voice their needs and concerns in order to move past them. Now if one partner is guarded to acknowledge his or her reality, perhaps it is time to move on.  Ms. Wake Up knows there are some lovers who will only engage in non cooperative bargaining, apparently that has lead those lovers to the destination of n-o-w-h-e-r-e.


If one is not up for playing rounds of prisoner's dilemma, it is better to either come clean or just move on in love. If the mutual respect is not there, what makes one think that waiting a bit longer will change that? First impressions are the last impression in love. What you see is what you get. If a man or woman tells you upfront what they are seeking with you but refuse to invest their efforts, let them go--a relationship that starts with a lie always ends with the truth.
Avoiding reality and a modest dialogue with a partner itself is an act relaying "I don't want anything to do with you."
Now, are YOU ready to confess?

Is It Time to Change Our Habits or Change Our Partners?

Humans are creatures of habit (there is no secret about that).   We all thrive upon few elements that make us bond with the universe through seeking predictability in life around us, security, and fulfilling our basic needs.   First, people seek predictability and consistency in people around them because it gives them a sense of comfort in knowing life is running smoothly. When people and situations in life start going haywire, people have a sense of panicking over uncertainty.  For some uncertainty breeds anxiety, panic attacks, rampant contingency planning and more.   Those are the rare times when one's faith is tested in the universe because they do not know what or who is around the corner to change up their everyday routine.   Second, humans need security. Security comes in different forms from physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial and basically any form that accommodates an individual feeling confident and safe in the universe.   Not all forms of security may correlate to an individual’s self-esteem and confidence, though in most cases when one's lifestyle is in harmony with the universe they appear more secure in handling unexpected life circumstances around them. Third, humans have, do and will fulfill their basic needs to co-exist during their time on earth. There are no exceptions to the rule. Whether we are discussing raw basic needs such as water, air, food and sex or whether we are acknowledging the need of communication, attention and affection.

One challenge in relationships people face is when two lifestyles come together urging both partners to compromise in order to co-exist in the couple's physical and foremost mental space.  Women and men engage in creating these 'mental contracts' where they have expectations of what their partner will and will not do while dating or engaging in a relationship with them. Along with the expectations, they also create a negotiable and non-negotiable list for what may hinder their chances of sustaining a long term relationship.  The danger surfaces when these 'mental contracts' are not communicated to their partner.   So when one partner participates in behaviors that violate their partner's mental contract-fire works and some steam will rise eventually leading to debates, arguments and possibly some tough times along the road. 

The two most foreseeable outcomes include both partners communicating their 'mental contracts' explicitly to one another.   This will enable both individuals to voice their expectations and concerns that will lead both of them to acknowledge, consider and compromise in the future.   To the contrary, voicing such 'mental contracts' can also make the partners defensive in the relationship thus encouraging them to be in denial by understanding the stressors that are putting this relationship in question. In an ideal situation, one of the partners will approach the other by becoming proactive in improving the relationship by inquiring what measures can be taken salvage their relationship.

In another world when expectations are not communicated the partners' encounter frustration because their 'mental contracts' are not yielding the live results they were seeking in the couple's space.    Frustration basically is an emotional reaction to when an individual is expecting a particular outcome; instead something else manifests in its place.  Along with frustration, some individuals may develop the flight or fight response.  Either one or both partners will flee and/or avoid the situation at hand or they will choose to fight this out by exchanging their true feelings on this matter.  If neither partner chooses to act upon the opportunity to express their true thoughts regarding their habits for how they effect their relationship, both of them are engaging in a never ending cycle that will keep manifesting the same results in all their relationships.  If they keep repeating the same behaviors while expressing similar reactions in their relationships---chances are extremely low that their future relationships will be successful.

Relationships do iron themselves out with time, only it is up to the individuals to remain in the relationship or not. All relationships take effort no matter how great or small.

People have needs and if they are not met, there is someone for everyone to fulfill them.