Sunday, October 30, 2011

His Family’s Affect on Your Marriage

We live in a fast paced world where either we are chasing someone or are being chased. Well today’s tit-for-tat is dedicated to those that have been captured and are married—happily— or is it so?   It's not unusual when we cross paths with loving couples that we wonder if these  two individuals bide well with their in-laws.   Dating the right partner for us can be an exciting experience if the individual wants this relationship to manifest into marriage over time. Not only is the woman dating the man because she feels he enriches her life; as well  she is dating his family to some degree too (if you really think about it).    She may be marrying the guy though in theory she is adopting a whole new family into her life whether she acknowledges it or not, ultimately yielding a challenge for her if the family is not as loving as her hubby.    Marriage is basically a ‘buy one get one free deal’ where the woman is not only engaging in a relationship with her man yet also his family. Depending on how well he gets along with his family and his relatives, it is predictable to encounter a difference in opinions during the life of the marriage.
Some in-laws are very welcoming while others can be intrusive enough to make one reconsider why they even got married in the first place. If the woman’s in-laws are already running her husband’s life now, it will only get worse with time.    After all the woman may have her own way of creating a home and raising a family; to the contrary the in-laws may think their lifestyle supersedes everyone else thus creating rifts among the couple’s marriage.     Not everyone acknowledges boundaries of personal space, privacy and foremost life transitions.   Most families have characters that can make one’s mind spin from the crazy uncle to the sibling that makes the news for raising havoc.  Marriage is not a haven for perfection yet it can become overwhelming when third parties, especially families—or his family particularly, begin to engage in making conjugal life decisions on behalf of the couple.  
His family may not be a problem but his family’s affect on him is a cause of concern.  
If his family is drama prone, stress will ultimately transfuse into the marriage where the wife is an involuntary bystander trying to alleviate his burden or distance him from his relatives.  He cannot use his parents or his father particularly as a reason to defer making life decisions on his own.   If anyone is using money or emotional manipulation to control the hubby, hubby is smart enough to know his parents are going to die anyway--fake lingering heart problems or not.  Only a weak man uses his father as an excuse to avoid any emotional or social responsibility.  The wife is not to blame for his family's behaviors, likewise it is not her job to put out the fires that are caused by other people.

Inquiring minds would like to know, "Is your guy MAN enough to take a stand?".

"Man Up Buddy"
Courtesy of J. Whiteway

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