Sunday, September 4, 2011

Ten Signs He Will Not Marry You

1.   You're enjoyed the presence of one another while dating and as many months pass you are yet to meet his friends and family. Having kept you as a secret in today's age of romance doesn't equate more than disrespect to you as a woman and a person.   It is also a sign he is unsure how you play a role into his life. Stop the waiting game and move on if this view doesn't change--fast.  Waiting is exactly like worrying, it doesn't alleviate the problem it just keeps delaying the outcome from appearing in the present.  Time is too precious to waste, save your loving energy for someone that respects you at all levels.

2.   Making plans to spend time together is exciting yet not so glamorous when he regularly utters the words "when we get a chance," "I'm busy," "perhaps another time," while the list of excuses just pile up with no definitive sign that he chooses to invest his resources in you.  Stalling tactics are very common among men (and women do it too, it's a two-way street) BUT if his actions do not provide a positive forecast in this relationship, it's better to cut your chances short and move on. When a man wants to be with a woman, he will rearrange his daily routine to even get a glimpse of her in person or hear her voice over the phone.   Ms. Wake Up's Dating Encyclopedia includes stories ranging from good men to silly boys she has encountered.  You need a man not a male or a boy.   You are his equal, not his mother or his babysitter. 

3.  "I'm busy with work."  Expanding upon this stalling tactic, let's be real--we women use that excuse too when we are unsure if we want a particular man around us.   There are men who are focused on their careers so they can live a comfortable life while becoming better providers for their partner later in life.     When a man is waiting to hit a certain 'financial range' in his career, meanwhile he delays getting into a relationship or even considers getting married, he is letting his excuse sabotage his well being like a double-edged sword.  Money does make the world go round as it is a critical component in making relationships work because when there is a limited supply of money, couples start arguing over it. To avoid such hiccups in relationships, people do tend to keep themselves from getting too serious when it comes to matters of the heart.  Ultimately the man should realize that money comes and go while there is no guarantee that lady luck will wait long enough for him. One doesn't need to be a millionaire in order to marry, the focus is more on living a comfortable lifestyle not hitting bulls-eye with a particular finance target.

4.   If your partner reacts passively to your life goals and doesn't make an effort to learn more about who you are, chances are either he already has an exit strategy in place or he's bidding time before you two run out of fuel to move forward from this relationship.     Some men are emotionally passive so this doesn't hold true for all cases though this uneven distribution of attention will cause resentment from the woman's end if she is the more supportive partner in the relationship.   He can't act like Switzerland for too long in a relationship because it is a bad sign if he isn't sharing any interest or opinion regarding your lifestyle.  There is a difference between being respectful of a partner's choices and not caring an inkling about a loved one.   

5.   Cheap men. Enough said. Ms. Wake Up's pet peeve of all time is cheapness in people. If one has the resources and they still choose to skimp out on enjoying life, do us all a favor and sit this one out.  Not all women and men date one another with the intent of seeking financial security.   Cheapness is referred here in the context of going out on simple dates as the woman is left to either pay for herself, or the guy doesn't extend the effort to treat this worthwhile lady.   This is more so applicable when a couple starts dating and it is with time they find a steady groove of knowing how to handle these situations.   There is no free lunch in the business world; likewise, there is no free lunch in the dating world. If she didn't pay for it, we're pretty sure she earned it by investing her time and energy with this guy.  

6.  Everything has become a power struggle.  If he needs constant validation and assurance that you two are doing well together, feel free to stick another red flag in the ground "if and when" you reach a relationship milestone.  An insecure man will keep his partner off balance so he doesn't have to face his own fears and insecurities in a relationship. To him it's all about having the last word (even when he knows he is wrong but thinks he is right).  It's not the woman's job to fight for her relationship all the time when in fact she is not aggravating the relationship concerns.  While he is watching you fight for a relationship that is not meant to be, check out now before it's too late.    He can be granted time to address these issues on a personal level yet it was not the woman who brought these insecurities out of him. These fears were always residing in him as they are still unaddressed to this day.  His behavioral patterns will keep resurfacing until he chooses to change his ways.

7.  There is no sense of urgency.   Is he too laid back and over confident in knowing that you are going no where?   Well, shame on him.    He has already started taking you for granted so now he feels immune from working hard to keep this relationship progressing forward. ALL relationships take a lot of work, therefore one should not treat any relationship to be on cruise control. Such feelings only get worse with time because he may be thinking that you already understand his 'unspoken thoughts' for how this relationship will manifest.  The things that ultimately contibute to a successful relationship are mutual respect, trust and SPOKEN thoughts.

8. If your man had or has a history of any form of addiction, there are chances he will not be skipping down the altar anytime soon.   There are many recovered addicts that do marry and live fulfilling lives following their past experiences.   To the contrary, there are addicts and substance abusers who claim to be clean but still they are using in secrecy.   A smart person knows that nothing remains secret for too long, so if he utters out of self confidence that everything is under self-control, it means "It is not!!!!".    Many people have their reputations to protect while there are many material resources that can be sacrificed over night, although it doesn't mean those same individuals do not enjoy living life on the edge.   If he (acknowledging that he was a substance abuser) is very protective of disclosing his phone contacts, his past associations and more, chances are his past is not out of his system.  Ladies, just because you don't see him engage in these activities in front of you doesn't mean that he is clean.  This blurb isn't to encourage distrust in relationships but it is to relay the reality that old habits die hard while there is no overnight cure.   Second chances are for people who EARN them.  This matter is reserved to be addressed by a qualified professional.  

9.  Liar-liar, pants on fire?   If you feel more like a detective than his girlfriend, then perhaps you need to start considering new careers.   Insecurity and jealousy brings out the worst in both partners in a relationship so if there is no desire to "talk about it" then start preparing a life without this man.  Just because he may show signs that something is up doesn't always mean where there is smoke, there is fire.  There doesn't have to be trouble lurking to prompt lying over small and big things.  

10.  If your gut is telling you something is not right, it probably is not.    Remember if it's the right man, there will be no feeling of tugging in your gut. Love is abundant and love knows no boundaries.   Going against a gut feeling just means the truth will surface with time. When a man or woman says "there's nothing," there is always something!

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