The One that Got Away

There is no introduction needed for this topic since the first thought that pops into our minds upon reading the title is of a loved one who somehow slipped through our fingers and ultimately out of sight.   This someone was the special person in one's life that basically got away.   Chances are high the person who let them get away is still emotional over this reality and wondering where their beloved is today. A common question I receive is, “why would a person let a loved one get away”?   Well, the best way to discover the answer was by interviewing some men and women (10 men, 10 women) who acknowledged having a love in their life whom they had let 'get away'.   

Four out of ten men admitted they were emotionally immature while they were courting their special partner to even realize what was happening to them in their personal life.  Three men admitted being married to their careers while the latter three as well confessed to taking their partner for granted.    When asked if and how these men would have addressed this dilemma differently, seven men claimed to reconsider their decision to walk away from their partner, per se letting the 'one get away'.   The remaining three men felt that everything happens for a reason therefore there is no need to regret the past and its ramifications.    

When the women were asked the same questions, they appeared more reminiscent of their dating experiences.    Six out of ten women admitted they were ready to commit to their partner if their partner offered long-term commitment to them, while the latter four delivered different feedback.  Two women took responsibility for being overbearing that when they let their love 'get away' while they didn't want to complicate things further by asking for another chance.  Surprisingly, one women acknowledged she was not worthy of being granted a second chance.   Meanwhile the other two women felt that one cannot make their love stay if they were already determined to check out of the relationship. 

The interesting part of my conversation with these candidates verified one consistent theme--all of these candidates strongly believed they let a great person get away.  While one cannot control the universe,   twelve out of the twenty candidates were lucky to find love again.  This time these twelve members chose to work harder to sustain a relationship after acknowledging their short comings the first time around.  

This exercise makes one wonder how often does the universe grant people a second chance at love.   It all comes down to being open to new opportunities, wherever and whenever, more so with whomever.

Fortunate are those who receive second chances because second chances are not granted, they are earned. 

*Demographics of candidates for this study are the following: 10 men and 10 women between the ages of 34 and 52.  Prerequisite to qualify for survey: candidates have dated long-term (at least 12 months) and/or engaged in relationships for at least three years (36 months).

What Does 'Taking a Break' in Dating Mean?

During Christina and Paul's time together in their three-year relationship, both of them have encountered life's greatest moments along with relationship hurdles that both have successfully overcome. Acknowledging that this couple has weathered through the growing pains of developing a new relationship, it only seems practical for one to think that marriage may be around the corner. Friends of this couple envy Christina and Paul's chemistry together, their lifestyle and their comfort level around one another. What people do not know about this glamorous couple is that they are actually contemplating 'taking a break'? Excuse me, what? What does exactly 'taking a break mean'? Countless stories swirl around of couples that appear content that choose to take time apart from one another.

A hopeless romantic would ask themselves, "Can't Christina and Paul just take a few days apart, such as a vacation, if either one is yearning for physical and mental space?" A skeptic would probably think, "I knew something was up because their dating life appeared too good to be true." Of course the cynic would say, "Told you so," with their eyes rolling as this news is an everyday occurrence. Here are few possible reasons why some couples may consider taking a break:

* It is only natural that people evolve with time and experiences that one may want to reassess what they want in life. Spending time alone only reinforces their inner needs and wants.
* Some individuals become too dependent upon their partner that they need to reclaim their independence and identity.
* Life presents some insurmountable challenges within and outside the relationship that one must question what is a deal breaker in a relationship (finances, no marriage in sight, infidelity, addiction, etc.).
* Third parties (past lovers, new lovers, family) intruding into the couples' personal life starts taking its toll on the relationship where trust and values are in question.
* Basically taking a 'time out' of a relationship forces individuals to grow on their own rather than being associated under one character (morphing into one personality, one belief system, identity.)

Is 'taking a break' a new fad? Not really. It some cases 'taking a break' can save a relationship than the couple suddenly giving up on it. More so this break enables a couple from slowing down a relationship that is moving too fast since such relationships burn out fast due to lack of nurturing, which only comes with time. In other cases it is necessary to address any concerns existing in a relationship so the relationship can move accordingly forward or cease in time. It is up to the individual to decide how they will capitalize upon the time available; as well how to move forward with new realizations during their time apart from their partner.
What behaviors are permissible while 'taking a break'? This is to be addressed by the couple who decides to take time apart whether it is intended to be temporary or meant to be permanent. Some couples explicitly state that they do not want their partner dating others or engaging in romantic liaisons, making major life decisions without the partner's input, interacting with the partner's family and more. To the contrary, there are couples that abruptly decide to take a break thus yielding a very ambiguous situation where the partners have not addressed what are the relationship deal breakers while spending time apart.

Overall taking a break encourages a couple to reassess themselves, their relationship and life overall.

* Warning: Think twice before taking a break because some people may never return from this break!

Calling Men-Lay Off the Dialing

Women have it in their DNA that they must be acknowledged AND this must be done on their time-not the man's, not the universe's; not even their mother's. One common challenge that women battle is communicating with their man, whether she is dating him or in a relationship, it appears women need to be more self-aware of how and when they approach their partners. Society and media infiltrates our mind with notions that Men are from Mars while Women are from Venus; therefore this spoon-feeding of battle of the sexes will not cease until humans transform their habits in the world of communication.

Though men and women coexist, it is obvious we still have not mastered how to address one another. This is not necessarily in regards to respecting one another; in fact this is in regards to space recognition and perception. It is no secret women are more likely to pick up that phone and start dialing away until they reach their men on the other end. It can be texting, calling, leaving messages--basically inundating his phone with her energy until he reacts.

Her chances of receiving a response from him plummets as she keeping exerting more effort in seeking a reaction from him. He will in fact reciprocate with nothing, yes nothing. This will make the women realize she is ultimately communicating with herself, over and over again. To make things worse, he may only respond with one word, "ok". This is a sure-fire way to get the lady steaming.
Ladies, lay off the auto-dialer and breathe.

(Image Credit: Ydhsu, Daniel)

If you're doing all the work, why should he even bother? Right? Also live for yourself and not for your man. Men may come and go but a lady's dignity should remain intact at all times.

It is easier said than done so keep this mantra in mind, "I shall respect and honor myself at all times". Respect yourself-learn it, practice it and repeat it. When you do make contact, keep it short and sweet. When his senses are flooded with ten thoughts attacking him at once, it is inevitable he will stop responding to anything past the initial introduction. Tell him what he needs to know, not what you think he wants to know. Ladies, he needs a reason to touch base again, right?

A little mystery can go a long way.

Remember, hands off the auto-dialer and the texting...for now.

A New Season Brings Changes Around the Corner

Click and Redeem:  MAY 13-31 SPECIAL: Love & Energy Reading 10 MIN for $5

Do Ultimatums in Dating Work?

"If you don't change your ways, I'm leaving".

Hmm..is that so? How often do two people who are dating for quiet some time, or perhaps longer, reach a point where one lover turns to the other stating "I'm done with this relationship." The one stating this is hoping the recipient of this message will flinch and beg their partner to reconsider their decision. It is quite too often that two people dating some how morph their interaction with one another into a 'conditional relationship'. A conditional relationship is similar to two people who like to keep score for how well they perform in a relationship by reciprocating favors to their partner. They are conditional in a sense where at least one of the partners involved in the relationship choose to remain in it if certain conditions are met.

For example, Tina is dating Mark for two years and all of a sudden Mark gets laid-off from work. We all are aware being laid-off from work is not fun, instead this life circumstance requires Mark to have the proper support system to move forward towards new opportunities while surviving without a steady income. Tina realizes Mark is in a vulnerable position. To make matters worse, Tina pressures Mark to find a job with an 'X' salary within three weeks or else Tina will choose to leave the relationship. Assuming we know both individuals live an independent lifestyle, one can assess Tina is already badgering her boyfriend with conditions (which she thinks) will improve and secure her relationship. In reality her conditions and ultimatum appear irrational for we all know Mark does not control the universe and divine timing. Other examples of conditional relationships can be contingent upon physical appearance of both partners, social status, lifestyle, personal beliefs and 'much much' more.

Ultimatums are a by-product of conditional relationships because they generally follow a typical manipulative relationship formula, "If you do x, then I'll do y". In the long run such relationships are extremely challenging to sustain since it encourages one partner to breed resentment towards the other. When two people start dating, it is convenient to overlook such behaviors while one is engrossed in excitement, although over time these charmless conditional requests are endangering to one's emotional and mental health. Such habitual treatment of a partner in a relationship creates an abusive relationship which also invites trouble to maintain a healthy relationship with one's self.

There are few circumstances where ultimatums may be needed because two people engaged in a relationship are not contributing fair amount of resources (time, energy, affection, etc.). In this scenario it is best to discuss the present state of the relationship, acknowledge what is lacking and ultimately decide if both partners decide to change their present condition. If so, great, get ready and moving because there is work to do. If not, both should part ways and move on.

There should be no compulsion in relationships or else they are destined to fail from day one.

One common example where ultimatums are present is when one partner is ready to leave if the other does not fore go an addiction problem. In such case one partner is battling a disease, which makes the addict's primary responsibility to seek treatment for 'themselves' not their partner. If the addict decides to seek rehab to make their partner happy, I'm 95% confident this addict will not recover while reverting to their old ways in only a matter of time. Some times it is not the act, but the intent behind the act that counts. Where as if the addict decides to check into rehab to make 'themselves' better for the sake of their well-being, then I'm convinced their partner's ultimatum will likely result to be a positive thing. This is rare.

Otherwise, a woman granting a man an ultimatum is basically holding the door open for him to walk out. Perhaps he was waiting for this moment where he can leave freely without encountering any qualms. It's pretty much laid out folks, "Do this or leave", or "If you don't do this, I'll leave". A smart person would let their partner leave because there is no need to put up with these shenanigans.

Remember-if one wants to stay in a relationship, nothing will make them leave. If one wants to leave, nothing will make them stay.

Be well, be safe and be blessed.  ;)

Get an Energy & Spiritual Reading with Ms. Wake Up

Hi Everyone!

Break Up or Wake Up is proud to offer "Energy & Spirituality Readings via Live Chat" with Ms. Wake Up.   You are welcome to purchase this reading through this blog, or directly through the main site. 

Either way, please use the contact form  to notify us with 3 possible availabilities (stating date, time AND time zone) that works best for you.   Upon payment, you shall receive an acknowledgement message along with a confirmation for your appointment and directions for participating in your Live Chat session.

Disclaimer by Ms. Wake Up: 

Please note you must be 18 years of age or older to enter my chat. I do not take the place of a qualified health care professional, lawyer, clergy or counselor. I am not responsible for any choices you make based on your sessions with me.   I seek only to encourage, empower and help you realize your full potential.  Information received during a session is strictly held confidential and not shared with third parties. Keep in mind I am the messenger and not the message. 

Last Night On Earth