~Adam Levine, your songs never get old~
Showing posts with label Infidelity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infidelity. Show all posts
Friday, August 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Being Schwarzenegger's Confidante Must Suck
Considering the rendezvous that occurred in the Terminator's house over a decade ago, women are wondering how many of their men are capable of digressing from their commitment vows. One can only feel for Maria Shriver as she moves forward to pick up the remains of her marriage after learning that it was her personal confidante and assistant that crossed her by the ultimate betrayal. Her house keeper not only worked hard to look after Maria's children and home, she even volunteered to keep Arnold warm in the sack! We can only imagine how many questions flooded Maria's mind when news came her way that there is a little Arnold Jr. walking around whom she did not give birth to.
First, acknowledging a love child from one's Partner is not the easies task to deal with in any sense. Life happens and we deal with it. What makes matters worse in this story is that the love child came into existence 'during' Maria's marriage not before. Secondly, reality cannot be changed regardless of how many ways one perceives the truth: Arnoldwas is a very bad bad boy. Such behaviors do not form overnight as well as old habits die hard.
First, acknowledging a love child from one's Partner is not the easies task to deal with in any sense. Life happens and we deal with it. What makes matters worse in this story is that the love child came into existence 'during' Maria's marriage not before. Secondly, reality cannot be changed regardless of how many ways one perceives the truth: Arnold
"I'll be back"
Arnie, I don't think so! Not so fast!
 |
| Source: Anorak.co.uk |
It is interesting to see how some women felt regarding Arnold's infidelity when a survey was taken among 30 women ages 27-58.
When asked if these women would forgive and forget their spouse if they were in Maria's position:
8 agreed to forgive and forget
12 agreed to forgive but not forget
10 agreed to neither forgive nor forget
When asked how many would consider separating from their spouse:
24 claimed they would
6 claimed that separation would make matters worse
When questioning the 24 who would consider separation:
17 responded by going forth with a divorce
7 would consider reconciling later in time
Lastly when they were asked whether they can trust their partner again:
7 said yes
23 said no
Maria Shriver-we heart you!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Dating a Sex Addict
Here's a story about an unidentified man who claimed that he loved sex and he 'could not live without it'. His former partner claimed that if he loved sex enough it would show through his actions, attitude and demeanor during the actual act. After studying the man's history it was apparent he battled two addictions which were alcohol and cocaine. While listening to the man's stories, especially about his sexual history with women, it became apparent that he was using sex similarly like alcohol to numb and void an intangible pain that resides within him. Some of his sexual partners recognized his romantic liaisons to be lacking substance, which meant a portion of the women would not even consider him for a one night stand 'if' they had known better. It was disclosed over a period of time that this man was only able to hold down one relationship over his lifetime, which is a bit disconcerting since this man is middle aged and that particular relationship was only short lived. It is not sex that determines the overall long life of a relationship though it does play a monumental role for building and sustaining a relationship. Is it possible that he sabotaged his own relationship to the point where his partner was driven to seek sexual satisfaction from elsewhere? Sex contributes to a person's mental, emotional and physiological well being. It was his lack of mental, emotional and physical presence that drove his partner into the arms of someone else who conveniently rescued her not only in bed but also in life.
A man who's a sex addict will get a high off by engaging in sex with anyone. His selective filtering mechanisms for finding a good looking partner and a decent soul are low. He's not thinking in terms of survival of the fittest, he's only thinking in terms of his immediate survival needs. He needs his quick fix, it doesn't matter if he's in a committed relationship with someone or not. This addiction lurks within him and challenges him to go seek his excitement that distracts him from his problems. He's not too fixated on creativity while performing sex, he's more fixated on reaching HIS height of euphoria. Every time he has sex, he may think he's approaching salvation yet this euphoria will last from few seconds to an hour or two. Sex addicts do not weigh their risks if they are hurting anyone around them, they are on a mission where they will not walk away dissatisfied. Safe sex is not a priority for them and in most cases they are at VERY high risk for STDs due to their random liaisons compared to other sexually active men. These risk takers believe they reach a state of immunity from contracting these sexually transmitted diseases because the symptoms of the illness would have surfaced by now. A handful of STDs remain dormant for quite a while before they start encompassing the person's reproductive system and overall health. From my observation, most sex addicts have other addictions that complement their erratic behavior. The man in this case was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to escape his realities, which were not disappearing unless he dealt with his trailing demons while sober.
To the contrary, a man that loves sex will make an effort to screen his partners. This man will not only seek satisfaction for himself, he will be cognizant to fulfill his sexual partner's needs as well. Women claim these men are better at sex and the men's mental focus is active not passive. If there is any hesitation or reluctance from his partner to engage in sexual activities, he will not run off leaving skid marks for another high risk partner. He is more patient than a sex addict, perhaps due to the man's healthy awareness of his sexuality. His sexuality does not dominate his other aspects of his life, where his family and professional life start to suffer. A sex crazed man will use sex as a recreational activity instead as a panacea to address his unresolved life issues. Sex is a recommended stress reliever for men and women as it improves the emotional health of both genders along with other benefits. Both types of men described here want to seek pleasure yet both of them perceive sex and react to it differently.
Any form of addiction has an underlying cause that triggers certain thoughts and behaviors within a suffering person. Addiction is a symptom of a greater problem. It is best they seek guidance through a loved one or a professional therapist who can provide tools to overcome such mental and behavioral problems. It is not the act(s) that raise red flags among addicts, more so one needs to learn and understand why they choose to participate in such self-destructive habits.
A man who's a sex addict will get a high off by engaging in sex with anyone. His selective filtering mechanisms for finding a good looking partner and a decent soul are low. He's not thinking in terms of survival of the fittest, he's only thinking in terms of his immediate survival needs. He needs his quick fix, it doesn't matter if he's in a committed relationship with someone or not. This addiction lurks within him and challenges him to go seek his excitement that distracts him from his problems. He's not too fixated on creativity while performing sex, he's more fixated on reaching HIS height of euphoria. Every time he has sex, he may think he's approaching salvation yet this euphoria will last from few seconds to an hour or two. Sex addicts do not weigh their risks if they are hurting anyone around them, they are on a mission where they will not walk away dissatisfied. Safe sex is not a priority for them and in most cases they are at VERY high risk for STDs due to their random liaisons compared to other sexually active men. These risk takers believe they reach a state of immunity from contracting these sexually transmitted diseases because the symptoms of the illness would have surfaced by now. A handful of STDs remain dormant for quite a while before they start encompassing the person's reproductive system and overall health. From my observation, most sex addicts have other addictions that complement their erratic behavior. The man in this case was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to escape his realities, which were not disappearing unless he dealt with his trailing demons while sober.
To the contrary, a man that loves sex will make an effort to screen his partners. This man will not only seek satisfaction for himself, he will be cognizant to fulfill his sexual partner's needs as well. Women claim these men are better at sex and the men's mental focus is active not passive. If there is any hesitation or reluctance from his partner to engage in sexual activities, he will not run off leaving skid marks for another high risk partner. He is more patient than a sex addict, perhaps due to the man's healthy awareness of his sexuality. His sexuality does not dominate his other aspects of his life, where his family and professional life start to suffer. A sex crazed man will use sex as a recreational activity instead as a panacea to address his unresolved life issues. Sex is a recommended stress reliever for men and women as it improves the emotional health of both genders along with other benefits. Both types of men described here want to seek pleasure yet both of them perceive sex and react to it differently.
Any form of addiction has an underlying cause that triggers certain thoughts and behaviors within a suffering person. Addiction is a symptom of a greater problem. It is best they seek guidance through a loved one or a professional therapist who can provide tools to overcome such mental and behavioral problems. It is not the act(s) that raise red flags among addicts, more so one needs to learn and understand why they choose to participate in such self-destructive habits.
Ten Red Flags Women Should Recognize When Dating Men
1. He has addictions. These addictions can be some of the following: alcohol, medical drugs, recreational drugs, sex, gambling and many other habits that lead to self destruction. If he's been to rehab and he still flirts around with his vices, it is time to consider an exit strategy for the relationship to end. Usually women become too involved with a man to learn later in time that he has a strong addiction that tends to dominate their relationship. Soon these woman start fighting the consequences of their partner's addictions themselves.
In essence, the woman becomes an addict like her partner while fighting his battle which makes it harder for her to break free from this toxic relationship and environment. Partners that act as bystanders in these relationships require more help in theory than their struggling partner. It is a cyclical relationship with invisible chains that bind this couple together and soon both of their lives spiral downwards before resulting in a tragedy.
2. He lives with regrets. A man that usually speaks more about the past than the present is definitely a person who is not living in the NOW. He "could have, should have" but "didn't" act upon his life goals, is now basing his life circumstances by replaying his past than actually making changes to his present condition. If this behavior persists for too long, he indirectly is letting the woman know that he may unintentionally start forming regrets in the relationships too. Those who form regrets either do not invest 100% of their time and energy to achieve their goals, knowingly pass up rare life opportunities, are afraid to take risks, and foremost are afraid of failure.
3. He acknowledges that he hasn't lived up to his potential. This variable is a bit different than #2 because a person can live without regrets yet still not fulfill their life potential. Here the man chooses to engage in certain endeavors, only he knows when he's not performing at his potential and he is OK with it. He may accept dating a specific woman as a privilege though he still doesn't live up to his best characteristics of being a caring partner.
4. He has resigned his life decisions to his mother's judgment. Boys turn to their mothers for guidance, MEN should reflect within themselves for guidance before seeking it from his confidantes. Regardless of race, culture or religion, it is inevitable to come across men who lack the brain power to take responsibility for their lives. If the men are too passive, their mothers will make a cameo appearance and invite themselves to stay as long as they like. I assure you if women do not address such matters before seriously committing to such a guy, "Mama" will be hovering around every aspect of your relationship. A full grown mature man should appreciate his Mama's presence although he should not let her run the show. Women have zero tolerance for such mamas who dominate their personal relationships by emotionally manipulating the man's character to the point where the man starts pulling away from the woman. If Mama's calling the shots now, no matter how great the guy is, I would recommend leaving this suffocating relationship if no party addresses this conflict.
5. He speaks ill of women that have dated and lived a conjugal lifestyle with him. This goes from disclosing these women's personal histories, sexual preferences and their human faults. Gossiping represents bad manners but more so HIS gossiping is detrimental to these ladies and an insight that he'll be bashing you to his friends only in a matter of time. If he doesn't know you well and starts harping about other women in bed, you're another statistic in HIS book. Any man that kisses and tells is a man NOT to be taken seriously. This type of man should be discarded immediately because he'll only contribute to your life as toxic waste. He's not the type to build a future with nor is he the type to even keep around as a past time. A woman of self respect will flush him away the moment his lack of manners become apparent when dating him.
6. Leopards don't change their spots. Stop volunteering for fixing people's characters and their problems. People can only change themselves. People choose to be happy, prosperous and committed in life. If they choose to be unhappy, it is their responsibility to change their condition or else to continue facing a life filled of poor judgments.
7. He's Okay Being Treated Like a Door Mat. If his family, friends and strangers treat him less than acceptable and he continues engaging in these relationships, he may have a history of mental and emotional abuse. Such abuse makes an individual think they are not worthy of respect thus affecting their own self-respect and self-esteem. If he doesn't find anything wrong with such treatment, it is possible he may think 'going with the flow' will mitigate these unfavorable circumstances. Such scenarios of abusive relationships only enhance problems within one's mental, emotional and physical health. He may not project such inferiority complexes towards you or voice them, yet these elements do contribute to sabotaging a new relationship.
8. He has a history of dating cheaters and he is OK with it. All REAL men that I know would not stand for a cheater regardless of whether they were a victim or a bystander watching a loved one suffer from such behavior. A man that dates exclusively (even if it's for fun and there is no marriage waiting at the end) would not stand for this type of behavior. Men who usually accept a cheating partner are either cheating themselves, have no self-esteem, justify their partner's cheating as their fault (complete nonsense!), or live with the fear they will not find a better partner again. Yes, it's true and impossible for some to believe that people may stick around a cheating partner because someone better may not come along or for the fear of being alone.
9. He's too susceptible to his family and friend's guidance. It's one thing to seek guidance and actually heed it. If he doesn't apply his own judgment when making life decisions, you're basically dating an indecisive man. If he's seeking everyone's' validation around him for making life decisions, the last thing a woman wants is third parties intruding in her personal relationship. A man should be a gentleman, not 'act' like a gentleman. He should apply discretion when needed; as well he shouldn't blindly follow advice from people who lack credibility.
10. He displays inconsistency in contact, speech and actions. If he doesn't keep his word for the small things, do not expect him to perform miracles while dating him or being in an exclusive relationship with him. Remember what you see now is what you will also get later.
In essence, the woman becomes an addict like her partner while fighting his battle which makes it harder for her to break free from this toxic relationship and environment. Partners that act as bystanders in these relationships require more help in theory than their struggling partner. It is a cyclical relationship with invisible chains that bind this couple together and soon both of their lives spiral downwards before resulting in a tragedy.
2. He lives with regrets. A man that usually speaks more about the past than the present is definitely a person who is not living in the NOW. He "could have, should have" but "didn't" act upon his life goals, is now basing his life circumstances by replaying his past than actually making changes to his present condition. If this behavior persists for too long, he indirectly is letting the woman know that he may unintentionally start forming regrets in the relationships too. Those who form regrets either do not invest 100% of their time and energy to achieve their goals, knowingly pass up rare life opportunities, are afraid to take risks, and foremost are afraid of failure.
3. He acknowledges that he hasn't lived up to his potential. This variable is a bit different than #2 because a person can live without regrets yet still not fulfill their life potential. Here the man chooses to engage in certain endeavors, only he knows when he's not performing at his potential and he is OK with it. He may accept dating a specific woman as a privilege though he still doesn't live up to his best characteristics of being a caring partner.
4. He has resigned his life decisions to his mother's judgment. Boys turn to their mothers for guidance, MEN should reflect within themselves for guidance before seeking it from his confidantes. Regardless of race, culture or religion, it is inevitable to come across men who lack the brain power to take responsibility for their lives. If the men are too passive, their mothers will make a cameo appearance and invite themselves to stay as long as they like. I assure you if women do not address such matters before seriously committing to such a guy, "Mama" will be hovering around every aspect of your relationship. A full grown mature man should appreciate his Mama's presence although he should not let her run the show. Women have zero tolerance for such mamas who dominate their personal relationships by emotionally manipulating the man's character to the point where the man starts pulling away from the woman. If Mama's calling the shots now, no matter how great the guy is, I would recommend leaving this suffocating relationship if no party addresses this conflict.
5. He speaks ill of women that have dated and lived a conjugal lifestyle with him. This goes from disclosing these women's personal histories, sexual preferences and their human faults. Gossiping represents bad manners but more so HIS gossiping is detrimental to these ladies and an insight that he'll be bashing you to his friends only in a matter of time. If he doesn't know you well and starts harping about other women in bed, you're another statistic in HIS book. Any man that kisses and tells is a man NOT to be taken seriously. This type of man should be discarded immediately because he'll only contribute to your life as toxic waste. He's not the type to build a future with nor is he the type to even keep around as a past time. A woman of self respect will flush him away the moment his lack of manners become apparent when dating him.
6. Leopards don't change their spots. Stop volunteering for fixing people's characters and their problems. People can only change themselves. People choose to be happy, prosperous and committed in life. If they choose to be unhappy, it is their responsibility to change their condition or else to continue facing a life filled of poor judgments.
7. He's Okay Being Treated Like a Door Mat. If his family, friends and strangers treat him less than acceptable and he continues engaging in these relationships, he may have a history of mental and emotional abuse. Such abuse makes an individual think they are not worthy of respect thus affecting their own self-respect and self-esteem. If he doesn't find anything wrong with such treatment, it is possible he may think 'going with the flow' will mitigate these unfavorable circumstances. Such scenarios of abusive relationships only enhance problems within one's mental, emotional and physical health. He may not project such inferiority complexes towards you or voice them, yet these elements do contribute to sabotaging a new relationship.
8. He has a history of dating cheaters and he is OK with it. All REAL men that I know would not stand for a cheater regardless of whether they were a victim or a bystander watching a loved one suffer from such behavior. A man that dates exclusively (even if it's for fun and there is no marriage waiting at the end) would not stand for this type of behavior. Men who usually accept a cheating partner are either cheating themselves, have no self-esteem, justify their partner's cheating as their fault (complete nonsense!), or live with the fear they will not find a better partner again. Yes, it's true and impossible for some to believe that people may stick around a cheating partner because someone better may not come along or for the fear of being alone.
9. He's too susceptible to his family and friend's guidance. It's one thing to seek guidance and actually heed it. If he doesn't apply his own judgment when making life decisions, you're basically dating an indecisive man. If he's seeking everyone's' validation around him for making life decisions, the last thing a woman wants is third parties intruding in her personal relationship. A man should be a gentleman, not 'act' like a gentleman. He should apply discretion when needed; as well he shouldn't blindly follow advice from people who lack credibility.
10. He displays inconsistency in contact, speech and actions. If he doesn't keep his word for the small things, do not expect him to perform miracles while dating him or being in an exclusive relationship with him. Remember what you see now is what you will also get later.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What Does 'Taking a Break' in Dating Mean?
During Christina and Paul's time together in their three-year relationship, both of them have encountered life's greatest moments along with relationship hurdles that both have successfully overcome. Acknowledging that this couple has weathered through the growing pains of developing a new relationship, it only seems practical for one to think that marriage may be around the corner. Friends of this couple envy Christina and Paul's chemistry together, their lifestyle and their comfort level around one another. What people do not know about this glamorous couple is that they are actually contemplating 'taking a break'? Excuse me, what? What does exactly 'taking a break mean'? Countless stories swirl around of couples that appear content that choose to take time apart from one another.
A hopeless romantic would ask themselves, "Can't Christina and Paul just take a few days apart, such as a vacation, if either one is yearning for physical and mental space?" A skeptic would probably think, "I knew something was up because their dating life appeared too good to be true." Of course the cynic would say, "Told you so," with their eyes rolling as this news is an everyday occurrence. Here are few possible reasons why some couples may consider taking a break:
* It is only natural that people evolve with time and experiences that one may want to reassess what they want in life. Spending time alone only reinforces their inner needs and wants.
* Some individuals become too dependent upon their partner that they need to reclaim their independence and identity.
* Life presents some insurmountable challenges within and outside the relationship that one must question what is a deal breaker in a relationship (finances, no marriage in sight, infidelity, addiction, etc.).
* Third parties (past lovers, new lovers, family) intruding into the couples' personal life starts taking its toll on the relationship where trust and values are in question.
* Basically taking a 'time out' of a relationship forces individuals to grow on their own rather than being associated under one character (morphing into one personality, one belief system, identity.)
Is 'taking a break' a new fad? Not really. It some cases 'taking a break' can save a relationship than the couple suddenly giving up on it. More so this break enables a couple from slowing down a relationship that is moving too fast since such relationships burn out fast due to lack of nurturing, which only comes with time. In other cases it is necessary to address any concerns existing in a relationship so the relationship can move accordingly forward or cease in time. It is up to the individual to decide how they will capitalize upon the time available; as well how to move forward with new realizations during their time apart from their partner.
What behaviors are permissible while 'taking a break'? This is to be addressed by the couple who decides to take time apart whether it is intended to be temporary or meant to be permanent. Some couples explicitly state that they do not want their partner dating others or engaging in romantic liaisons, making major life decisions without the partner's input, interacting with the partner's family and more. To the contrary, there are couples that abruptly decide to take a break thus yielding a very ambiguous situation where the partners have not addressed what are the relationship deal breakers while spending time apart.
Overall taking a break encourages a couple to reassess themselves, their relationship and life overall.
* Warning: Think twice before taking a break because some people may never return from this break!
A hopeless romantic would ask themselves, "Can't Christina and Paul just take a few days apart, such as a vacation, if either one is yearning for physical and mental space?" A skeptic would probably think, "I knew something was up because their dating life appeared too good to be true." Of course the cynic would say, "Told you so," with their eyes rolling as this news is an everyday occurrence. Here are few possible reasons why some couples may consider taking a break:
* It is only natural that people evolve with time and experiences that one may want to reassess what they want in life. Spending time alone only reinforces their inner needs and wants.
* Some individuals become too dependent upon their partner that they need to reclaim their independence and identity.
* Life presents some insurmountable challenges within and outside the relationship that one must question what is a deal breaker in a relationship (finances, no marriage in sight, infidelity, addiction, etc.).
* Third parties (past lovers, new lovers, family) intruding into the couples' personal life starts taking its toll on the relationship where trust and values are in question.
* Basically taking a 'time out' of a relationship forces individuals to grow on their own rather than being associated under one character (morphing into one personality, one belief system, identity.)
Is 'taking a break' a new fad? Not really. It some cases 'taking a break' can save a relationship than the couple suddenly giving up on it. More so this break enables a couple from slowing down a relationship that is moving too fast since such relationships burn out fast due to lack of nurturing, which only comes with time. In other cases it is necessary to address any concerns existing in a relationship so the relationship can move accordingly forward or cease in time. It is up to the individual to decide how they will capitalize upon the time available; as well how to move forward with new realizations during their time apart from their partner.
What behaviors are permissible while 'taking a break'? This is to be addressed by the couple who decides to take time apart whether it is intended to be temporary or meant to be permanent. Some couples explicitly state that they do not want their partner dating others or engaging in romantic liaisons, making major life decisions without the partner's input, interacting with the partner's family and more. To the contrary, there are couples that abruptly decide to take a break thus yielding a very ambiguous situation where the partners have not addressed what are the relationship deal breakers while spending time apart.
Overall taking a break encourages a couple to reassess themselves, their relationship and life overall.
* Warning: Think twice before taking a break because some people may never return from this break!
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