What Does 'Taking a Break' in Dating Mean?

During Christina and Paul's time together in their three-year relationship, both of them have encountered life's greatest moments along with relationship hurdles that both have successfully overcome. Acknowledging that this couple has weathered through the growing pains of developing a new relationship, it only seems practical for one to think that marriage may be around the corner. Friends of this couple envy Christina and Paul's chemistry together, their lifestyle and their comfort level around one another. What people do not know about this glamorous couple is that they are actually contemplating 'taking a break'? Excuse me, what? What does exactly 'taking a break mean'? Countless stories swirl around of couples that appear content that choose to take time apart from one another.

A hopeless romantic would ask themselves, "Can't Christina and Paul just take a few days apart, such as a vacation, if either one is yearning for physical and mental space?" A skeptic would probably think, "I knew something was up because their dating life appeared too good to be true." Of course the cynic would say, "Told you so," with their eyes rolling as this news is an everyday occurrence. Here are few possible reasons why some couples may consider taking a break:

* It is only natural that people evolve with time and experiences that one may want to reassess what they want in life. Spending time alone only reinforces their inner needs and wants.
* Some individuals become too dependent upon their partner that they need to reclaim their independence and identity.
* Life presents some insurmountable challenges within and outside the relationship that one must question what is a deal breaker in a relationship (finances, no marriage in sight, infidelity, addiction, etc.).
* Third parties (past lovers, new lovers, family) intruding into the couples' personal life starts taking its toll on the relationship where trust and values are in question.
* Basically taking a 'time out' of a relationship forces individuals to grow on their own rather than being associated under one character (morphing into one personality, one belief system, identity.)

Is 'taking a break' a new fad? Not really. It some cases 'taking a break' can save a relationship than the couple suddenly giving up on it. More so this break enables a couple from slowing down a relationship that is moving too fast since such relationships burn out fast due to lack of nurturing, which only comes with time. In other cases it is necessary to address any concerns existing in a relationship so the relationship can move accordingly forward or cease in time. It is up to the individual to decide how they will capitalize upon the time available; as well how to move forward with new realizations during their time apart from their partner.
What behaviors are permissible while 'taking a break'? This is to be addressed by the couple who decides to take time apart whether it is intended to be temporary or meant to be permanent. Some couples explicitly state that they do not want their partner dating others or engaging in romantic liaisons, making major life decisions without the partner's input, interacting with the partner's family and more. To the contrary, there are couples that abruptly decide to take a break thus yielding a very ambiguous situation where the partners have not addressed what are the relationship deal breakers while spending time apart.

Overall taking a break encourages a couple to reassess themselves, their relationship and life overall.

* Warning: Think twice before taking a break because some people may never return from this break!

Do Ultimatums in Dating Work?

"If you don't change your ways, I'm leaving".

Hmm..is that so? How often do two people who are dating for quiet some time, or perhaps longer, reach a point where one lover turns to the other stating "I'm done with this relationship." The one stating this is hoping the recipient of this message will flinch and beg their partner to reconsider their decision. It is quite too often that two people dating some how morph their interaction with one another into a 'conditional relationship'. A conditional relationship is similar to two people who like to keep score for how well they perform in a relationship by reciprocating favors to their partner. They are conditional in a sense where at least one of the partners involved in the relationship choose to remain in it if certain conditions are met.

For example, Tina is dating Mark for two years and all of a sudden Mark gets laid-off from work. We all are aware being laid-off from work is not fun, instead this life circumstance requires Mark to have the proper support system to move forward towards new opportunities while surviving without a steady income. Tina realizes Mark is in a vulnerable position. To make matters worse, Tina pressures Mark to find a job with an 'X' salary within three weeks or else Tina will choose to leave the relationship. Assuming we know both individuals live an independent lifestyle, one can assess Tina is already badgering her boyfriend with conditions (which she thinks) will improve and secure her relationship. In reality her conditions and ultimatum appear irrational for we all know Mark does not control the universe and divine timing. Other examples of conditional relationships can be contingent upon physical appearance of both partners, social status, lifestyle, personal beliefs and 'much much' more.

Ultimatums are a by-product of conditional relationships because they generally follow a typical manipulative relationship formula, "If you do x, then I'll do y". In the long run such relationships are extremely challenging to sustain since it encourages one partner to breed resentment towards the other. When two people start dating, it is convenient to overlook such behaviors while one is engrossed in excitement, although over time these charmless conditional requests are endangering to one's emotional and mental health. Such habitual treatment of a partner in a relationship creates an abusive relationship which also invites trouble to maintain a healthy relationship with one's self.

There are few circumstances where ultimatums may be needed because two people engaged in a relationship are not contributing fair amount of resources (time, energy, affection, etc.). In this scenario it is best to discuss the present state of the relationship, acknowledge what is lacking and ultimately decide if both partners decide to change their present condition. If so, great, get ready and moving because there is work to do. If not, both should part ways and move on.

There should be no compulsion in relationships or else they are destined to fail from day one.

One common example where ultimatums are present is when one partner is ready to leave if the other does not fore go an addiction problem. In such case one partner is battling a disease, which makes the addict's primary responsibility to seek treatment for 'themselves' not their partner. If the addict decides to seek rehab to make their partner happy, I'm 95% confident this addict will not recover while reverting to their old ways in only a matter of time. Some times it is not the act, but the intent behind the act that counts. Where as if the addict decides to check into rehab to make 'themselves' better for the sake of their well-being, then I'm convinced their partner's ultimatum will likely result to be a positive thing. This is rare.

Otherwise, a woman granting a man an ultimatum is basically holding the door open for him to walk out. Perhaps he was waiting for this moment where he can leave freely without encountering any qualms. It's pretty much laid out folks, "Do this or leave", or "If you don't do this, I'll leave". A smart person would let their partner leave because there is no need to put up with these shenanigans.

Remember-if one wants to stay in a relationship, nothing will make them leave. If one wants to leave, nothing will make them stay.

Be well, be safe and be blessed.  ;)